Don’t Try This at Home

I just saw a car commercial in which the company felt it necessary to run a disclaimer across the bottom of the screen which said, “Fantasy. Do not attempt. Cars can’t jump on trains.” What a bummer. I was totally planning to run out and try that.

What a sad state of affairs when our society becomes so prone to litigation that we have to anticipate every level of stupidity in order to protect ourselves. Like those warnings on plastic dry cleaner bags that say, “This is not a toy.”

There’s even a website about this. Of course. Here are some of my favorites from www.dumbwarnings.com.

• Keep away from water -White-Westinghouse 1600 Blow Dryer
• Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. – Child-Sized Superman Costume
• Warning: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially while opening. – Canada Dry Club Soda
• Product will be hot after heating. – Mark and Spencer’s Bread Pudding
• Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. – Liquid Plummer
• This product not intended for use as a dental drill. – Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
• WARNING: Do not smoke until hair is dry. – Clairol Herbal Essences Maximum Hold Hairspray
• This formula may cause drowsiness, if affected do not operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle. – Demazin Infant Drops
• Use for sex only – not to be eaten – Trojan Condoms
• Do not attempt to stop chain with hands. – Jonsreds Chainsaw

I really worry about humanity sometimes. I think I’ll go cut the warning labels off my mattress in protest. What’s the worst that could happen?

[Image credit: colinfahey.com]

Author: The View from a Drawbridge

I have been a bridgetender since 2001, and gives me plenty of time to think and observe the world. View all posts by The View from a Drawbridge