The View from a Drawbridge

I often see bumper stickers that caution you to watch out for motorcyclists, and of course this is sound advice. They can be easy to overlook, and if your 4000 pound car meets a 300 pound motorcycle, the odds are not in the other guy’s favor.

But there is another reason to beware of these bikes. At the risk of soiling the reputation of responsible bikers out there, it seems to me that a significant proportion of them are foolhardy. Here are just a few things I’ve observed.

• There’s a guy who likes to drive his bike over my bridge on one wheel going at least 80 miles per hour. He does this all the time. I’m waiting for the day he hits that metal grating after it’s been raining, and he winds up looking like hamburger meat. When that day comes, I’ll have to resist the urge to call him an idiot while calling the ambulance.
• I once saw a guy on a long stretch of interstate who had, I kid you not, a broomstick stretched across the seat so he could hook his feet over it and lay on his stomach, head first, while speeding down the highway. Insane.
• I used to know someone who liked to dress up in leather and studs from head to toe and then intentionally fall off his bike so he could slide along the pavement causing sparks. He thought that was funny. I always used to think he’d be less amused the very last time he ever did it. No idea what became of him, but I can guess.
• I cannot count the number of times I’ve seen bikers pass people on the shoulders of the road or squeeze between two cars on the freeway.
• Many bikers take it as a point of pride NOT to wear a helmet. Granted, most helmets only serve as a bowl in which to hold your scrambled brains post impact, but why on earth would you not want to take every possible safety precaution you could? Those who don’t want to do so, and brag about it, should be given a wide berth.
• It’s been my observation that more often than not, motorcycles tend to exceed the speed limit by a significant margin.

My instinct, when operating a much more dangerous vehicle, would be to be more rather than less cautious, but apparently that’s not a universal philosophy. Perhaps it’s because the demographic of motorcyclists tends to be young and male, and there is a reason why their insurance costs so much more than the rest of the population. Young males are hardly risk-averse.

Again, my apologies to those safe and responsible bikers out there for lumping you all into the same category, but I can’t imagine you’ll be particularly upset if people treat you with a bit of increased caution.

So by all means, let’s do our best to keep an eye out for motorcycles, but not only to keep them safe. Think of them as reckless landmines on the highways and avoid them at all costs, for your sake as well as theirs.

Please drive safely everyone.