The View from a Drawbridge

I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not very quick on the uptake. My snappy comebacks are usually delayed by a couple of hours. Oh, they’re pithy. They’re trite. They’re just a little late.

If you throw me a set of car keys, my first reaction is to duck, not catch, so let’s hope I’m not standing next to a very deep abyss, or we will be stranded. If you’re looking for someone with razor sharp reflexes, I’m not your girl. I like to let things sink in.

In short, I’m a cogitator. If I weren’t human, I’d probably be a cow. I like the idea of being able to chew on something several times before fully digesting it. Well, not in terms of flavor, but… you know what I mean.

Someone will say something to me like, “I know I shouldn’t have f***ed that cheerleader. I was old enough to be her father.” Two weeks later I’ll say, “Wait, you did what???” It can really throw off the flow of a conversation, believe you me.

This is probably why I love to write. Before I submit my final draft, I can revise. I can edit, delete, and improve. You just don’t get that with snappy comebacks.

But you know, after having thought about it for, like, days, I wouldn’t change my sluggish reaction time for the world. Some of my biggest regrets in life revolve around the rare occasion when I’ve reacted quickly. That nasty e-mail response. That snap judgment. That ill-advised investment.

So I’m not ignoring you. I’m not dismissing what you said. Just give me time to chew on it. Bear with me. I’ll get back to you. Eventually.

It’s a vintage percolator. Get it?

[Image credit: eclectisaurus.com]