I work with someone who doesn’t hide the fact that she doesn’t like me at all. Her perception of who I am is so far from my actual motivations that it baffles me. It’s as if when she looks at me she sees someone else entirely, and that person is despicable.
It’s a shame, too, because I suspect that we have a lot more in common than she realizes, and it sure would be nice to have a friend in this town. I really do want to be a team player and have a harmonious and cooperative work environment. But the fact is, her attitude about me is not going to change. That’s just the way it is.
A few years ago I probably would have wasted a lot of energy in pursuit of her approval, and even more energy beating myself up when I didn’t succeed in my attempts. I come by that honestly. I was trained well. I grew up with someone who took a very special delight in being imperious and disapproving. It was a power play of epic proportions. I was taught that despite my best efforts I was never going to be good enough.
That person is no longer in my life, and I can’t tell you how liberating that is. It didn’t take long, once the negative reinforcement stopped, for me to realize that I am good enough, actually. In fact, I’m much better than her toxic butt ever was. What a concept.
I used to go through life thinking that I needed everyone’s seal of approval. Now I’m kind of shocked that I so willingly gave my power away like that. If you walk around thinking, “Please like me” all the time, then it is someone else’s decision as to whether you are a successful individual. Would you want that responsibility for someone else’s life? I wouldn’t. It exhausts me just thinking about it.
So, I have a coworker who doesn’t like me. I do find that disappointing, and I sincerely wish it were otherwise. But beyond that, frankly, I couldn’t give a flying f***. It’s her problem. It’s also her loss, because I think I’m rather good company.
[Image credit: treehugger.com]
The View from a Drawbridge 
I don’t even care if my friends like me now… ha!
Well, that simplifies things considerably. 🙂
you would think
She must be a very insecure person. Like you I don’t care if people like me. I am who I am and I’m not here to try to impress anyone.
She seems to think I’m competing with her, which naturally would make us adversaries, when in fact I couldn’t care less. Oh well.
Your comments reminded me of this quote: “I used to walk into a room of people and wonder if they would like me. Now I wonder if I will like them.”
Love it!!!
I worked with someone who was very like that.. She was brilliant at her job and took really great care of her patients. However she called up her family members in the middle of the night because that was when SHE was awake. Shouldn’t you care as much for your family as a stranger? Also, in her view, no matter how good the new nurses became in their abilities, she always thought of them as the noob nurses who were clueless. I saw her bring colleagues to tears over something that was really, in the long run, meaningless. Did I like her? She was a good worker and a good nurse, so sort of. Did I want to hang out and go to a movie? Heck no. She made a statement once that I kept thinking of in awkward work situations.. “You don’t have to live with them, just work with them for 12 hours”.
See, I find that sad. I think it’s entirely possible to have cordial working relationships, and it makes the job a lot more tolerable. That bringing people to tears over trivial stuff sure rings a bell, though. I think people like her use their attitude as the ultimate defense mechanism. “I’ll make them dislike me. That way I don’t have to worry about whether or not they like me.” It must be a lonely place to be.
but she would never admit that she cared whether she was lonely or not.. not even to herself
Either she’s a psychopath and doesn’t care, then, or deep down she knows, whether she cares to admit it or not.