What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d utter: I just put a profile on one of those computer dating websites. Yep. It’s come to that.

And so it begins. For the first hour or so, it was kind of exciting. About 30 men read my profile. But then none of them contacted me, and I suddenly realized I had just been rejected 30 times. Ouch.

Then I became aware that I was doing the exact same thing at a dizzying pace. I was looking at tons of profiles, and skipping over most of them based on arbitrary things. Conservative. Uneducated. Thinks books are “Okay, I guess.” Looking for someone athletic. (Pity.) Smokes. (ABSOLUTELY NOT.) Scary, scary serial killer looking photograph. (I can’t help it. I have to trust my instincts.) Still has kids living at home. (Run!!!!)

Then came a deluge of men wanting to chat. Cool! But they were in other parts of the country. Why on earth would you want to talk to me? Ohhhhhhh. I get it. You want to “talk” to me. No thanks. I’m not going to take some hard-earned business away from a phone sex operator. Or here’s an idea. Go talk to your wife. I’m sure she’s right in the next room.

And I came across some crazy, crazy profiles that made me wonder what kind of men are walking the streets of this town. One said, “Any woman I’m interested in has to keep herself clean and smell nice.” It sort of reminded me of the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs. “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”

Another listed a bunch of attributes and then said, “If you don’t have ALL these qualities, then you’re wasting my time. And I don’t take kindly to having my time wasted. But I really am a nice guy!” Oh yeah, I’m sure women are beating down his door!

But the most painful moments are when I read a profile of someone I think has potential, and I reach out to that person and he ignores me. I know if he’d just give me a chance, he’d see how great I am. But he can’t get past my body type or some random thing I say in my profile to see that. I feel like a poorly advertised product on some dusty shelf. “Buy me! I’m good! Really. You’d like me.”

I don’t know if I have the strength for this.


12 thoughts on “What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

  1. Helen

    Hang in there Barb! I know several people who met their spouses this way. A couple we’re friends with met via “It’s Just Lunch” and there’s a branch in Seattle. It’s a face-to-face meeting. Check it out online; it may be more your style. Keep us posted! itsjustlunch.com

  2. I have mixed feelings about these dating sites. My older brother got married because of one. And I am shy, so it might have worked for me. But it does seem like they attract a lot of creepy guys too. Good luck.

      1. lyn sutton

        the whole thing sounds like a bloggers gold mine. Your pain our gain? When did you add masochist to your list of fine personality traits? : )

      2. lyn sutton

        You could ask Art the writer to write an endorsement…oh, right, you want to attract nice guys, not drive them away. 🙂
        Please be careful. Wouldn’t want to lose my favorite blogger.

  3. Maybe you don’t know this, but those dating sites have a “free” option and a “pay” option. So, if, like me, you ponied up a few bucks so you could see who looks at your profile, who “favorites” or “flirts” with you and so you can read your messages, know that many, many, many men do not want to pay and so they do not see if you’ve “flirted” or “smiled.” There’s usually an icon to see if they’re “premium” members somewhere on their profile…

    Word of advice – Google they guy’s email address if you ever get to that point. If he can’t be found, don’t assume it’s because he hasn’t done anything notable – he may just be using a fake name. Sigh. Lots of creepers out there…

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