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The Black Sheep in the Family
Every family has one. A relative who refuses to play by the rules. Someone who causes unbelievable heartache, unspeakable scandal, and enormous amounts of frustration. Someone who generates really, really interesting family stories. In my family that was Uncle Dave, my mother’s little brother. When my mom was young, she was bedridden with whooping cough,…
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Albino Skunks and Other Distractions
The other night I was driving home from work at midnight on a very remote stretch of road. I came around the curve and saw a car stopped in the oncoming lane. My first thought was, “Oh great, now what? How altruistic am I willing to be, a woman alone at midnight in the middle…
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How to Spot a Keeper
I used to think that you could tell everything you needed to know about a man by how he treats his mother. I still think that’s a great theory in many cases. The problem is it only works when the man in question has a decent mother. If his mother is a total shrew or…
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Keep your Children Safe: Think Like a Pedophile
Controversial title, I know. But hear me out. Charish Perriwinkle, 8 years old, is dead. Most of you will not have even heard of her. She was abducted from a Walmart here in Jacksonville, Florida, and within hours her body was found and her abductor was apprehended. He was a serial pedophile, someone who should…
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Back to School at 46
A couple of years ago I decided that my life had hit a dead end and that what I needed was a massive “do-over”. So I quit my job, sold my house, and went back to college to get my third degree. The first time around I was straight out of high school, and it…
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Charity Chicken: Anti-Dignity and Ways to Counteract It
Happy Independence Day, America! I’ve chosen to write about a topic that goes hand in hand with independence: Dignity. My mother was a single mom in an era when that was not only less acceptable, but also not as workable. Daycare wasn’t as widely available, and women were often relegated to the most menial low-paying…
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Leeching the Consumer
Today I was told that some of my computer hardware was no longer supported by the manufacturer. No big surprise, right? Planned obsolescence has become such a normal part of our consumer culture that we don’t even bother to be outraged. My question is, what would happen if the vendors had to be honest? What…
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Checkmate
I’ve always wanted to learn to play chess, but I’ve never found anyone with the time or patience to teach me, and I’m far too lazy to become self-taught. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not the game itself that I crave. What I really want is the leisure time to spend hours in…
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That’ll Fix ‘Em: Self-Destruction as a Form of Aggression
There’s nothing more absurd than someone who harms himself to punish others. Everyone knows a story to that effect. I know a woman who started smoking as a teenager simply to piss off her parents. 30 years later she has cancer. Was it worth it? And then there’s the guy who has a tattoo on…