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An Unfinished Internet Story
The story itself is sick and twisted, but the fact that no one bothered to follow up on it is even more revealing.
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The World’s Best Bedside Manner
A little over a week ago I had surgery on my wrist. I was scared silly. Mostly because I’d be all alone during my recovery, but also because it’s downright unnatural to voluntarily subject oneself to getting sliced open. I mean, seriously, who in their right mind says, “Here. Cut me, please.” You have to…
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The Painful Truth
Recently I wrote about my “great” fall. It turns out it was greater than I thought. As the pain in my wrist kept increasing, I could no longer ignore it. In the morning it would make crunching sounds as if I were cracking a walnut, and the pain was excruciating. And it would hurt throughout…
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Ph. Deities
Recently I had a consult with a specialist about a bump that occurred on the roof of my mouth. The minute this doctor walked in I could tell he was going to be “one of those”. The arrogance came off him like a stink. Sure enough, he was obnoxious and had absolutely no communication skills.…
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Stuff Like This Only Happens to Me
So, a few years ago I had to go in for a colonoscopy. Mm hmm. Great fun. But while I’m in there, I’m having quality time with the prep nurse and she says to me, “Are you single?” “Uh… yeah. Sort of. Why do you ask?” “Well, the doctor is single, and he’s a really…
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Awkward Information
One time I had a 103 degree fever so I went to the doctor. On the way there I had stop at a very busy gas station to fill my tank. When I arrived at the doctor’s office I signed in at the front desk. Then I waited for an obscene amount of time in…
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More than Just a Case
Back in 1999 I had to have major surgery. I’d never even spent the night in a hospital, so I was terrified. So terrified, in fact, that for three weeks prior to the event I was clenching my teeth in my sleep with such intensity that my dentist told me that I had caused hairline…
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Who’s the Pig in this Scenario?
So, the other day I bent down to retrieve something, and heard “Look at the HAM HOCKS on this woman! Woo hoo!” Honestly. I know I have more than my fair share of junk in the trunk, but in what universe would anyone want their posterior compared to that of a pig? It was meant…