Recently a dear friend of mine lost a grandchild who wasn’t even a year old. And then I found out that it was the two year anniversary of the death of the adult daughter of my landlady. I didn’t really know what to say to either of these women. I can’t say I know how they feel. I have no children. I can’t imagine a greater loss, though. Parents aren’t supposed to survive their children. It’s not natural. It’s not right. It’s beyond cruel.
My heart breaks for both of them, and for anyone who finds themselves in similar circumstances. While I am at a loss for words in these situations, I can listen, and I hope that helps, because I think it’s important for people to talk about it, and often people don’t want to hear it. It makes them too uncomfortable. But fortunately there’s an even better source of support out there. It’s called Compassionate Friends, and it’s a support group for people who have lost children, regardless of the child’s age at the time of death.
Compassionate friends has chapters in all 50 states in the US, as well as Washington DC, Puerto Rico and Guam. They also have an online community and a crisis hotline. I strongly encourage you to visit their website and find a chapter near you if you need to talk, or need to be around people who can truly understand what you’re going through.
You are not alone.
The View from a Drawbridge 
NOT HERE
How can I rid this pain in my heart,
this pain in my soul, my being?
It came when you left
that deep, dark, nothing day.
That day is a fog, a haze of noise, screams, prayers unanswered, blankness.
This day, and every day after, is void, empty, nothing
you are not here, not now, not ever.
Not here. Your jabber, your bouncy bounce,
your mutant ninja smile,
There is no more for you.
No 6th birthday, no fights with Sister, no more
treehouse, no marriage, no kids, no future, no past.
No more “Grandma, teach me to read, please”.
No more kissing the Boo-Boos
on the biggest Boo-Boo of all
it didn’t work.
We don’t work, out of sync
fractured in time and space.
On a bright sunny day in June,
after a swim
while singing a silly Girl Scout song.
And then you were gone.
Oh GOD! Take this pain.
Make it,
not here.
For CODY Nov.6, 1984 – June 10, 1991.
Thank You I will pass the information to My Daughter and Other Friends whom have lost their children.
Please do. And it’s a lovely poem. You really should think about blogging. You have so much to contribute to the world.
And I should have also said that I’m sorry for your loss, because I truly am.
oh man
What?
That’s it. That’s all I could say.