Lying Down with Dogs

Here’s another one of my theories.

There are two types of dog owners: those who allow their dogs to sleep in their beds and those who do not. Well, technically, that part is a fact. But here comes the theory part: you can tell a lot about a person by which of these two groups he or she falls into.

Bed people (and in the interests of full disclosure, I am one of these) are nurturing, and tend to be more interested in love and affection than they are in strict cleanliness and control. Floor people are more regimented. Their bed linens tend to match and are not to be disturbed. If you are the type to iron your underwear, you’re a floor person, no doubt about it.

And because, as the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, if you’re a bed person, your friends tend to be bed people, too. Bed people find floor people to be anal retentive, and floor people think bed people are sloppy and inefficient.

Floor people make excellent administrators. Without them, the trains would not run on time, and our medical files would be lost forever. Bed people, on the other hand, tend to be more creative and artistic. They make the world colorful and entertaining.

Bed people stop and smell the roses. Floor people plant the roses. Floor people save for retirement. Bed people live for the moment. Floor people tuck in their shirts. Bed people resent that they even have to wear them.

There is a place in this world for both groups of people. And I’m delighted to say that they both love and care for their dogs. The world would be completely unrecognizable without both groups. It’s as if there’s this canine yin yang thing happening, and it makes the world go ‘round.

But there is a third group of dog owners that I haven’t mentioned, which I call scum people. Dogs are social animals that live for nothing but approval, but this group will chain their dogs up all alone in the back yard, rain or shine, winter or summer. They let them howl all night long, and feed them Rob Roy dog food, which has absolutely no nutritional value, because it’s cheap. The more extreme members of this crowd own puppy mills or are into dog fighting. Their dogs tend to flinch when a hand is extended toward them, because their experience with hands has been harsh and painful. This group of people, as far as I’m concerned, is the scum of the earth and shouldn’t be allowed the privilege of owning a pet.  I suppose there is some biological need for scum in this world, but for the life of me, I’ve yet to find it.

I much prefer bed people and floor people.

(Image credit: myhoundhaven.org)