I have a dear friend whose relatives have criticized her all her life. If it’s not her appearance they’re attacking, it’s her life choices. There is nothing, apparently, that she can do right. Even whom she chooses to love, and whom she chooses to leave, comes under their negative scrutiny. Because of this, even though she’s the most generous, decent and compassionate person I know, her self-esteem is at rock bottom. It breaks my heart.
Here’s the thing. (Yes, yes, there’s always a thing.) Life is cruel. We will all get pelted with our share of rotten tomatoes out in the wider world. Your home, your family, ought to be your sanctuary. It should be a safe place where you are built up, given the strength and confidence to face the outer hostilities that are bound to come your way. Your achievements in life should occur because of, not in spite of, the messages you receive from the people you should most be able to trust.
Family can so easily give you the tools to build a successful life, or it can be the toxic stew that rots your emotional flesh. If you have a toxic stew type of family, your next best hope is to surround yourself with really quality friends who will tell you the things you should have been made to know as you were growing up. You are an amazing person. You deserve to be treated decently. You are lovable.
There’s always a need for positive reinforcement in life. That’s why Mr. Rogers was so popular. But it’s sad that there is such a void that he was required to fill. It shouldn’t be that difficult to lift up the people you love, instead of weighing them down.
It’s hard to eject toxic relatives from one’s life, unfortunately. It’s much easier to get rid of other people who are blasting you with negative energy. But you can make an effort to reduce their influence. Draw positivity toward you. Reject those who reject you. Say to yourself, “If you’re critical, I will not make you critical to my well-being.”
Give that gift to yourself. And also ask yourself if you are being a positive force in the lives of the people you love. Give a sincere compliment to someone today. Be the change.
(image credit: thehealthyapron.com)
The View from a Drawbridge 
Thanks for this. My mother criticizes me in a round about way about weight issues. She has her own problems, but don’t mention them. The Bible says “Love your Neighbor”, I think it assumes that families love each other, but they do it in strange ways sometimes. We have to tell ourselves what our families failed to give. So, today, I’m looking for the good in others and especially in myself. I am worthy, regardless of the number on the scale.
Indeed you are! And I was thinking last night that next time I’m faced with that type of criticism, (If I’m quick enough on the uptake, which I’m usually not) I will respond with an over the top, yet sincere, compliment, just to see how they react. It could be interesting.
Sounds great, I’ll try that and let you know. I just have to be quick with a response, and make it positive. This will take practice. Happy Tuesday!
Maybe have the compliment formulated in your head in advance for the habitual critic. That might help. I’ll be interested in hearing what happens. Have a wonderful day!
I knew I should have patented that ‘there’s always a thing’ bit!
And Mr. Rogers had a cocaine problem.
Stop! lol
I was hoping that you would appreciate my crabby old man take on that.
Crabs have a bad reputation. It’s so unfair.
It’s because they walk sideways.