The View from a Drawbridge

A sign that your neighbor has gone completely ‘round the bend: You overhear him saying, “Look what I just got out of the garbage!”

A sign that your government is taking itself waaaaaay too seriously: It spends taxpayer money to have National Security Agents hang out in virtual worlds like Second Life and World of Warcraft in the hopes that they might stumble upon an Al Qaeda cell sitting around amongst the virtual poppies, plotting an overthrow of the virtual free world as we know it.

A sign that you’re bored: You go to Youtube and type “kittens” in the search field.

A sign that you’re seriously sleep deprived: You’re typing your blog, and it’s a deep and profound subject for a change, and you nod off, and when you wake back up, you discover that the last half of the sentence you just typed says, “for the whales hailing a cab.”

A sign that you’re coming down with something: You’re sitting at work and you sneeze so hard you accidentally slam your forehead into the wall.

A sign that your friend has a different concept of personal hygiene: He walks out of the bathroom and you say, “Did you wash your hands? I didn’t hear the sink.” And he says, “I wash my hands in other ways.”

A sign that you might need a vacation: You find yourself experiencing road rage in the grocery store.

A sign that your arms have fallen asleep: You are awakened by the sound of the phone ringing. You lift your head off your arms and try to answer it, only to find that neither arm is functioning. You have to knock the phone off the cradle and onto the floor, kneel down beside it and answer it with your nose.

A sign that your boyfriend is rather odd, but in a good way: A friend complains of nightcrawlers in her basement and he says, “Get a robin.”

A sign that you’ve become just a tad jaded: You are standing in an art gallery in a virtual world and a naked avatar approaches you. He starts dancing around and shouting, “It’s art! It’s art!” and you reply, “Well, it’s not very GOOD art. Your penis doesn’t match the skin tone of the rest of your body.” He says, “You’re mean,” and disappears.

A sign that you’re starved for affection: Your dog rests his head on your knee and you get all misty.

A sign that your local firemen are the victims of a crank caller: A fire engine comes roaring up to the bridge where you work and the men shout, “Where’s the jumper?” You reply, “Uh, there is no jumper. This bridge is only 9 feet above the water.” They look at you sheepishly and drive away.

[Image credit: meantobehappy.com]