Somewhere in America, God only knows where, there are about 50 boxes of books that belong to me. They were left to me in my sister’s will. I’m sure she meant well. She knew how I love to read. But the last thing I need is her hoard of books. If anything, as much as possible I’m trying to get rid of the books I already have. And how did she expect me to get these books across the country? Uhaul? Books weigh a ton.
Please understand that these are not leather bound, signed first editions. No. They’re yellowing, dog-eared and much loved paperback versions of best sellers. I doubt a used book store would give me more than 50 bucks for the lot.
After the reading of her will, my brother-in-law made absolutely no effort to comply with her wishes, and on one level that annoyed me, but on another it was a huge relief. I didn’t want to deal with those books, and I’m sure he didn’t, either. Later he remarried and sold the house. There’s talk of a storage facility somewhere, but as far as I’m concerned, the less said the better.
The thing that people, and hoarders in particular, don’t seem to understand is that after they’re gone, no one is going to view their possessions as being one tenth as valuable as they do. No one wants to have to deal with your crap.
Your adult children might appreciate one or two examples of the refrigerator art they made for you in kindergarten, but they’re certainly not going to want a shoebox full. Nor will they want every Christmas card you’ve ever received in the past 60 years, or your collection of dolls from around the world.
When you pass away, it’s going to be you that they want back. It’s cruel to add to their grief by making them sift through piles of magazines, rusted tools, tangled fishing line, and your beloved beer can collection.
If you truly do think you have things that are worth something, it is much kinder to sort and sell them now and give your family the money rather than make them bicker over who is going to have to post each individual item on e-bay later.
Have an honest discussion with your heirs. It’s very likely that what you see as a legacy of treasured memories will be viewed by them as a monumental hassle and an enormous burden. Don’t make one of their last memories of you become a source of irritation.
[Image credit: heartsandmindsbooks.com]
The View from a Drawbridge 
So true. I recently downsized and had to sort through the detritus of my broken 23 year marriage and three kids’ sentimental stuff. It was excruciating. I was amazed and horrified at how little most of the furnishings were worth individually. Let material stuff go, whether to family or to others who can get use from it now, rather than hanging on endlessly. I hope to never have to learn this lesson again.
Thanks, so do I. The twigs we use to make our nests only really matter to us.
I am going to put you in my will and give you my pirate hat… and all my books
Noooooooo!
I got a lot of books
For the last year I have been trying to weed out, scale down, compartmentize. You’ve hit the nail on the head. Except for the house, pond and 20 acres, we are trying to relieve our children of much of the accumulation of 38 yrs of marriage and four children. All the dolls and various stuffed treasures have gone to nursing homes and police and fire departments. You cannot imagine how these dolls are treated by elderly women, they are given as much love and attention as their children in days past. The stuffies are carried in the trunks of medics/firefighters/LEO’s. and give comfort to children when they are involved in conflict with parental violence, loss of home or other instances that disrupt their lives. They are much appreciated by community service people. Clothes are always acceptable at church stores and books at lending libraries.
But, I am trying to sell tons of Darkroom Equipment and Cameras, then get rid of the rest of the kids stuff they are never coming back to get. It will get done eventually, and they won’t have to worry about much. Hoping it gets done sooner than later and we can take a real vacation knowing that all our affairs are in order. Thanks for reminding me that now is the time to get it done.
This is the kindest, most loving thing you can do for your children. Good for you.