It’s been one helluva year! I’ve had the highest highs and the lowest lows. It reminds me of the time when I was 12 years old and we went to the beach. I made the mistake of turning my back on the ocean. The next thing I knew I was being tossed and spun around and finally washed up onto the sand like a dead whale, only I was miraculously alive, and extremely grateful, albeit vomiting out what seemed like a gallon of seawater. Ever since then I’ve had a healthy respect for Mother Nature.
The lowest low for me this year was the unexpected death of the love of my life. I haven’t fully recovered from that, of course, and I suspect that it will always fundamentally impact who I am in ways I’ve only just begun to understand. The strangest part about this is it has not left any visible scars, and the tears have mostly dried up, at least the public ones, so loved ones look at me and don’t really comprehend the profound effect this event has had on my day to day life. I’m forever altered.
And then there were minor details like being kicked out of my apartment, quitting my job, losing my car, and driving 3000 miles across the country to start my life completely over, I mean, completely over in a place where I know absolutely no one. Don’t try this at home, folks. It ain’t for sissies.
They say the top 5 stressors one can experience are Death, Divorce, Moving, Major Illness and Job Change. Well, I did three out of five this year, and I’m here to tell you it sucks.
On the other hand, I got to explore this country in more depth and detail than I ever anticipated, and that was an amazing experience that I’ll never forget. And a lot of people stepped up and helped me out financially and emotionally along the way, and that has moved me to the depths of my soul. My faith in mankind has been renewed like never before.
I’ve also learned that I’m capable of much more than I ever anticipated. It’s kind of empowering to jump into an abyss and somehow manage not to go splat. And I’m loving where I live for the first time in about 30 years. That’s a nice feeling. Not many people get to begin anew at age 50. Every day is now an adventure!
If I could design a personal coat of arms, my motto would be Post Nubila Phoebus. After the clouds, sunshine. That has been my forever hope, and it seems to be becoming, after a great deal of sacrifice and stress and stormy weather, my life.
So I say good-bye to 2014 with mixed emotions. It has been without a doubt the most pivotal year of my life. I would have never guessed last January that I’d find myself where I am today, having experienced what I’ve experienced. Would I do it all again? Honestly, I don’t know. It took a lot out of me. I’m not sure I’d have the strength. But nevertheless, here I am. And here’s not so bad at all.
[Image credit: freehdw.com]
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