Bed Bugs

I have a serious problem with anything that wants to feast on my blood. Mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, lice, leeches… all are personae non gratae in my world. But bed bugs… sorry if I’m being prejudiced here… they are the worst.

I mean… they’re in your bed. And they prefer to attack you at a time when you’re most vulnerable, when you are asleep and all, like, defenseless. Shudder.

So imagine my horror when I thought, for a brief time, that I had a bed bug infestation. I’m itching just thinking about it. Suddenly I want a hot shower.

I woke up one day with what appeared to be 6 bites on my body. And this is Seattle. It’s not like we have mosquitoes. I checked Quagmire for fleas. Nothing. And suddenly I thought of bed bugs. I did a quick and lazy Google search to discover the telltale signs.

There were no spots of blood on my mattress. The bites weren’t along any of my major blood lines. And they were a lot bigger than the average bed bug bite. That was a huge relief. Still… something was biting me. I tore my bed apart. Truth be told, I tore my entire bedroom apart. Nothing.

But now I couldn’t get the thought of bed bugs out of my head. I vacuumed. I washed and dried all my bedding. I washed my dog. I washed me. And the next night, a few more “bites”.

Intolerable. I could not live like this. Seriously. If I were a home owner I would gladly burn my house to the ground and start fresh rather than have bed bugs. Ugh, I felt so dirty and ashamed, even though I had done nothing out of the ordinary to cause this horrifying turn of events. Most people do not. And they shouldn’t be judged. But still. Ick. You know?

I didn’t want to pay an exterminator without any sign of anything. So I decided, as a precaution, to buy some diatomaceous earth from a local garden center. It’s made up of crushed seashells, and when bugs go across it, it cuts open their creepy little carapaces and they dehydrate. But it’s pet friendly.

Take that, you little bastards!

The diatomaceous earth I’m used to getting is in a powder form. Unfortunately, the only kind I could find this time was the consistency of kitty litter. But such was my disgust that I spread that stuff beneath and behind my bed, and between the mattress and the box spring, and after a few minutes of consideration, what the hell… on my sheets.

So for a night, I actually slept in “kitty litter”. I know. Totally weird. And not recommended. But such was my level of yuck.

I didn’t have any new bites the next day, and haven’t had any since. And all of that stuff has been vacuumed and or/washed off in the interim.

By the way, it turns out that I was going through an unbelievable amount of stress, so my doctor thinks what I had was hives.

Live and learn.

One friend did suggest something delightful, though, that has since become a habit. You take a spray bottle, drop in 5-8 drops of essential oils, a splash of rubbing alcohol or vodka, and then fill the rest of the bottle with water. Before bed, spray your sheets and pillows. Apparently spiders and the like don’t appreciate the odor and will leave you alone.

I use lavender, and the bed smells great. And I haven’t had any critter encounters of any kind since then. Of course, I rarely did before, so who knows? But it definitely makes for a peaceful night’s sleep, knowing you’ve got a real or imagined line of defense between you and all the blood suckers out there. And it beats the hell out of sleeping in kitty litter.


I’m proud to announce that my book is now available in paperback, kindle, and deluxe color edition!

2 thoughts on “Bed Bugs

  1. lyn sutton

    Sorry about the stress hives. Avoid all news. It will only make it worse.
    Lavender dominates body and home. Even have lavender herbal teas. How else can one keep the political bloodsuckers from destroying ones sense of humor, sanity and peace? 🙂

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