Recently I came across an article on object love, or object sexuality, and I was really intrigued. Apparently there are people out there who are convinced they are in love and/or having actual relationships with inanimate objects. People have “married” the statue of liberty, the Eiffel tower, and the Berlin wall. (I’m curious to know how that last person reacted when the wall was torn down.)

I think the reason this subject fascinates me so much is that I can almost get it. I know where Jean-Paul Sartre was coming from when he said, “Hell is other people.” And this form of sexuality has been tentatively linked to the autism spectrum, so it’s safe to assume these people have tenuous connections with other humans in the first place.

I almost envy these folks. If you love a “thing” it will never die on you. (Well, except that Berlin wall situation, I suppose.) It will never disappoint you. It will always “be there.” It won’t cheat on you, or tell you those shorts make you look fat, or complain when you leave your socks on the floor. It will never subject you to in-laws or battle over the remote control.

Most of all, it will never reject you. That has a certain amount of appeal. It has more appeal the older and lonelier I get.

I almost wish I could flick a switch in my brain and become an objectophile. If I could, I’d buy one of those huge body pillows, fall in love with it, and never sleep in an empty bed again. Yeah, baby.

hell is other people

Fall in love with my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

4 thoughts on “Objectophilia

  1. Angiportus

    I first found out about the objectum-sexual [OS] community some 10 years back. I myself am asexual/aromantic, but definitely a lone wolf and more into things and ideas than in people. The group I had slight acquaintance with has disappeared into the wilds of Facebook, so I am not sure what’s up with them now, but they were quite diverse as I recall and not all could be placed on anyone’s spectrum. The non-neurotypical sector is better envisioned as a color solid or hypersolid. And some variations are NOT disorders.
    Some OS people, and some introverts, do have strong connections with people–a few well-chosen people who accept us the way we are. Hardly anyone can get by w/o someone to talk with once in a while. Those of us who like other entities than humans–dogs, inanimates, even ideas–are perhaps just a teeny bit more complicated than those (mythical?) folks for whom people are absolutely everything.
    It has been said somewhere that things won’t stick up for you in a conflict–but in my experience people have a lousy track record for that too. Things can get lost or destroyed–I seem to recall that the lady who lost her wall took refuge in a time warp or something–but ideas aren’t so fragile. Of course, getting attached to an idea can sometimes make a person a dangerous fanatic, but that’s worth a whole ‘nother discussion.
    I figure it this way, if you work on being a decent person for other people, then you have the right to like things all you want. Neither can replace the other. As for the famous perversity of inanimate objects–darn right, there’s only one thing worse and that’s animate ones…
    I feel a bit concerned about you being lonely, and hope you find a suitable solution for that problem without putting yourself in any danger.

    1. Thank you so much for your concern, Anji! That means a lot. I’m coping. I’m 52. This has pretty much been status quo my whole life, so if need be, I can get through another 50 years or so. And you’re right–animate objects don’t always have the best track record. Decency is key. These folks aren’t hurting anyone, and neither are we, so more power to them and nobody’s business!

  2. Angiportus

    I seem to recall there’s some OS people who are into bridges. I don’t think ours are implicated, but not sure. Just a heads-up.

    1. I must admit that if there was one architectural structure I could fall for, it would be my bridge. And I have seen people propose on bridges, end their lives on bridges, have dates on brides, take photos… people do love our bridges. So OS people, more power to them, as far as I’m concerned.

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