The View from a Drawbridge

The random musings of an autistic bridgetender with entirely too much time on her hands.

I’ve Come Undone

I am at the end of my rope. I’m on the ragged edge. I’m losing it. I’m buying a house. I’m packing, I’m moving. I’m making changes and updating and getting rid of stuff. I’m doing paperwork. I’m documenting. I’m panicking that I won’t get everything done on time, or I’ll forget something important. And…

I am at the end of my rope. I’m on the ragged edge. I’m losing it.

I’m buying a house. I’m packing, I’m moving. I’m making changes and updating and getting rid of stuff. I’m doing paperwork. I’m documenting. I’m panicking that I won’t get everything done on time, or I’ll forget something important. And I’m doing this all by myself.

Well, that’s not entirely true. My realtor and my loan officer have been great. But there is no one whom I can wake up in the middle of the night when I’m having an anxiety attack, unless you count my long-suffering dog, Quagmire. There’s no one to lighten the load. There’s no one who will shoulder the burden, even for just an hour or two, to give me the tiniest of breaks. I can’t say, “Honey, could you please make that particular decision? I’ve had it.” I’m fresh out of honey.

I’m going to have to hire people to help me move and clean and modify and repair, because lord knows no one is stepping up to volunteer. And I don’t have much money. I wish just one thing about all this would go smoothly. Just one.

I wish I were Amish, or something. Because it really does take a freakin’ village, and it feels like there’s no civilization for miles.

But I take a great deal of comfort from the quote below. This is growth. It may look like chaos, but it’s growth. I’ll just be glad when it’s over.

For-a-seed-to-achieve-its-greatest-expression-it-must-come-completely-undone

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10 responses to “I’ve Come Undone”

  1. Carole Lewis Avatar
    Carole Lewis

    I’ve no doubt that you will survive and even thrive this chaotic time. Think back of all you have accomplished in the last few years. Undaunted by the unknown, you journeyed your way into the future that is now. Stronger, self-assured, happier, more vigor and with new friends and a more positive outlook. This is just one more little glitch. Think of it as the game we played “Step on a crack, break your Mother’s back.” We knew it was silly, but going forward with caution is who we are. The bigger the cracks the bigger the reward of finishing the game. I promise, you will enjoy the sigh of relief at the finish.
    BTW there are many of us that would be by your side as well as having your back… if we were just closer.

    HUGS!

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      Thanks Carole. That means a lot to me. And yeah, some day I’ll look back at this and laugh. And I hope this will be the last time I ever have to move!

      Reply
  2. maximo p fabella Avatar
    maximo p fabella

    HANG IN THERE

    mzaximo

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      Thanks Max! Trying. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Wedgwood in Seattle History Avatar
    Wedgwood in Seattle History

    The more that you can delegate and contract for services such as cleaning and moving, the easier it will be for you. There are a lot of details to be coordinated but just take one thing at a time. You know all of your loyal fans are thrilled for you and we want to continue to follow your adventures! And some of us pray for you (speaking only for myself, of course!)

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      Thanks, Valarie! Yeah, I’m hiring a mover for the big stuff, a professional carpet cleaner, and a house cleaner. I don’t really have the money for these things, but what price sanity, right?

      Reply
      1. Wedgwood in Seattle History Avatar
        Wedgwood in Seattle History

        You should definitely make “sanity” a priority!

      2. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
        The View from a Drawbridge

        Trying to. 🙂

  4. lyn sutton Avatar
    lyn sutton

    Finally, congratulations on your new house! Hope you post before and afters. 🙂

    We’ve probably cracked a lot of shells on our many growth spurts so you’d think we’d be old pro’s, but it’s still painful to do it alone. Since I can’t be there physically to help, I volunteer to talk you through the anxiety. I’ve had a lot of practice. Shall I email you my #?

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      You are definitely a balm to my spirit, Lyn, but I’ve found that when I’m in full meltdown mode, it’s best not to talk to anyone, because I seem crazy. Not the impression I want to leave people with. Good news is the appraisal passed, so all that’s left is the closing, and the desperate attempt to find a renter for this old place so they’ll let me out of my lease. On the home stretch! Thank you for being there, though, truly.

      Reply

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