Good for You…

Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way. Someone I love has just had the best thing happen to him. I mean, the kind of luck that only strikes you about as often as lightning. And I’m so happy for him it brings tears to my eyes. But.

At the same time, I kind of feel resentful. I can’t help but see his good fortune as casting a painful glare on the hurdles I still have to jump over with my rapidly decreasing energy and flagging determination.

Ugh. I’m a horrible person. I should simply be thrilled for my friend. And where do I get off with the “poor me” attitude when there are so many people in this world who have it worse off than I do?

But I resent that, too–the idea that I can’t be bitter and frustrated unless I’m the most unfortunate person on the planet. Can’t I at least have my angst? I don’t get to have that, either?

Dammit, I want the dream job in Hawaii. I want the winning lottery ticket. I want the clean bill of health, the chance to travel the world, the man of my dreams, the fame, the fortune, the luck…

Most of all, I want the right to throw an inner tantrum even as I am sincerely thrilled for someone else. I want that dichotomy to be easy to take as well as being socially acceptable. I want to understand it and own it without feeling the need to blog it out of my system. Is that really too much to ask?


Read any good books lately? Try mine!

4 thoughts on “Good for You…

  1. Carole Lewis

    LOL. you are not alone. Years ago after chastising myself for feeling “why not me?”, I made a deal with myself. I allow my self up to 3 days of self-pity. In most cases it really works. I can immerse myself as deeply as I need. Wallow, cry, rant and rage. Then suck it up and get on with reminding myself how blessed I really am. Go ahead, try it for three days. Wash the inner you.

  2. Elaine

    You are not alone. Even when I am truly and thoroughly thrilled for others and how well their llives are going, there is that little, niggling thought deep in myself which wonders “why not me?”. I have had a wonderful life in many ways. But……

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