On Almost Having My Stuff Together

There is so much going on right now. I am trying to keep several plates spinning at the same time. Miraculously, I seem to be pulling it off for a longer stretch than usual. But the adrenaline surge can only last so long. Eventually I’m bound to lose focus and something will come crashing down. (Curse you, gravity!)

I’m trying to plan for that by writing lists. I even have lists of lists. And it feels great when something gets crossed off. But for every cross-off there seems to be two add-ons. This is not sustainable.

It almost feels like all this prolonged success is adding to my stress, because I’m getting cocky. I’m adding plates. And that just makes it harder to maintain, you know?

I miss making out on the couch with someone while not really watching a movie. (Those were the days, my friends, as the song says. No sense in even thinking about it, really.)

I miss trying in vain to get a suntan. I miss listening to the Top 40 on the radio on a summer afternoon. I miss just doing nothing with someone. You know?

Dolce far niente, as the Italians say. How sweet to do nothing. Beyond sweet. Utter bliss.

I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.

But I better not start daydreaming about that. Some of the plates might fall.


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