A Small-Town War in West Yorkshire

Little Free Libraries are one of my many passions, so when I saw this photograph of a sign that was placed in one in West Yorkshire, I had a bit of a giggle.

It says, and I quote with its many errors, “NOTICE- WHOEVER IS PLACING THE COPYS OF PORNOGRAPHIC LITERATURE IN HERE, STOP! CORNHOLME IS A GOOD GOD FEARING CHRISTIAN VILLAGE. IF THIS FILTH IS TO YOUR LIKING MAY WE SUGGEST THAT YOU MOVE TO THECESS PIT THAT IS HEBDEN BRIDGE”

When I read that I thought, “Wow, judge much?”

But on the other hand, I could just imagine how upset I would be if someone filled my library with, for example, Hustler magazines. I mean, children frequent this library. And I want them to read, not just look at the pictures. So yeah, while the author of that note overreacted just a tad, I could understand the irritation.

Then I read somewhere that what had been put in the library was some copies of 50 Shades of Grey. As one of my fellow stewards commented, “This is especially funny because I’ve found in my own experience that if these two sides can agree on anything, it’s that 50 Shades is objectively crap.”

Amen, sister. That book is supposed to be titillating, but instead I found it really annoying because the writing was so horrible that I’m amazed any publisher was willing to back it. It is the worst book I’ve ever read in my entire life.

The note made me curious about Hebden Bridge, though. And from what I can see online, it appears to be a delightful little town. Very artsy. Very liberal. Gay friendly. Book shops. You know the kind of place I’m talking about. I’d move there tomorrow if given the chance.  So I was rather proud of them when they posted their own note in reply.

Again, I’ll quote it with its many errors. “NOTICE- WHOEVER IS PLACING RELIGIOUS MATERIAL IN OUR COMMUNITY REVOLUTIONARY, DRUG CULLTIVATION, DEVIL WORSHIPPING, NATURALIST, PORNOGRAPGHY AND KNITTING LIBRARY, STOP! HEBDEN BRIDGE IS GOOD FREE THINKING TOWN. IF THIS FILTH IS TO YOUR LIKING MAY WE SUGGEST YOU MOVE TO THE GOD BOTHERING UP TIGHT HOLIER THAN THOU VILLAGE OF CORNHOLME.”

And then someone else in Hebdon Bridge put up a flyer that was a spoof on the old classic movie The Wicker Man.

It, too, is full of errors, but here goes: “Good People Of Cornholme your invited to our FREE BARBECUE. MAKE FRIENDS AND MEAT YOUR NEIGHBOURS. SUNDAY TWELVTY O’CLOCK AT THE STONE CIRCLE. “THE CESS PIT THAT IS HEBDEN BRIDGE”

Good on them, I say. And I bet they get an uptick in tourism, too, because I for one am dying to go there now. I’d love to “meat” them. It would be fun.

The bottom line is that these two small towns are 7 miles apart. I would think that would be enough distance so that if they wanted to avoid each other, they could. But the world is getting awfully small these days, isn’t it?

I think everybody just needs to take a deep, cleansing breath. In through the Cornholme, out through the Hebden Bridge.

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An attitude of gratitude is what you need to get along. Read my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5