Crime Used to Be So Much Easier to Commit

Shame on me.

Without going into enough detail to incriminate myself, I must admit that I’m a criminal. (Don’t act so shocked. You’ve probably bent a rule or two yourself.)

Back before airport security was tight, I did something that would probably have me doing time these days. A college friend of mine took a flight and before it took off, the airline staff asked for volunteers to be bumped off the flight. They’d be put on the next flight and get a free, non-transferrable round-trip ticket anywhere in the continental US, to be redeemed within a year. My friend shot her hand up, even though she knew she wouldn’t be back to the US during that period. She’s from Europe.

They gave her a paper ticket. She gave it to me. And I used it. This was back before airlines had gotten into the pesky habit of asking to see your ID before you got on the plane. Pretty much anybody could go anywhere, and bring their foot-long Bowie knife with them in case they got the urge to trim their nails in flight. Those were the days. You actually had leg room and a decent in-flight meal, and the plane was half empty so you could usually stretch out and take a nap afterward. (You young people have no idea.)

All I had to do was forge my friend’s signature (I practiced for weeks) and pretend to be someone I didn’t even look like, and I was able to fly out to visit my niece and nephew at a time when I could have never afforded to do so on my own.

And lightning has yet to strike me dead.

I’ve also been known in my more poverty-stricken youth to reuse uncancelled postage stamps. One time I may have let a cashier ring my zucchini up as much cheaper cucumber, too. And I borrowed a friend’s asthma inhaler at a time when I was uninsured and couldn’t afford to refill my prescription. Shame on me.

Now that I’m more financially comfortable, I can afford to be much more law-abiding, and allow my morals and better nature to come to the forefront. What can I say? Poverty makes you do stuff.

Having said that, I must admit that I still pee in the shower occasionally, albeit right over the drain. My bladder is a corrupting influence. So sue me.

I guess I just blew my chance of ever running for public office…

I wrote an actual book, and you can own it! How cool is that?


Author: The View from a Drawbridge

I have been a bridgetender since 2001, and gives me plenty of time to think and observe the world.

4 thoughts on “Crime Used to Be So Much Easier to Commit”

  1. I’m not of a mood to list my own indiscretions, but I do like that picture. It was on the cover of a weather magazine back when, which I showed to a friend; he said “Is that current?”, meaning the issue, and I couldn’t help saying ‘Yes, that’s a *lot* of current.”

  2. Hope the statute of limitations has run out on all those crimes you just copped to. Not sure your justifications would hold up in court. Fortunately, peeing in the shower isn’t illegal, so pee away. Glad I don’t have to clean it though. (Had a cat who used to do that if I didn’t change her litter daily.) Been poor nearly all my life but resisted breaking the law because, well, children. Being a positive example requires a lot of sacrifice, or maybe I was just good at hiding my indiscretions. My lips are forever sealed but I’m looking forward to your next round of midnight confessions. In the meantime, avoid New South Wales, it doesn’t have prescribed statutes of limitations.:)

    1. Well, considering the fact that even I can’t remember what airline I was on or what year I did that, they’d have a hard time proving any guilt. I figure I can squeak by based on the “bigger fish to fry” scenario. Even so, duly noted about New South Wales. 🙂

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