From border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea, I am hereby declaring that I am OVERWHELMED. I feel like I’ve been juggling bowling balls, fine china, all manner of sharp cutlery, and live cats all at once, and if one more thing, one more thing gets thrown into the mix, the whole kit and caboodle is going to fall apart. I am up to my @s$ in alligators, and I’m going down for the third time.
Speaking as I do from within the autism spectrum, I can tell you that overwhelm for me is like overwhelm for about 5 of you neurotypicals combined. The more overwhelmed I get, the more exhausted and paralyzed I become, the less I am capable of digging myself out of the stressful hole that I find myself in.
I. Give. Up.
The triangle of my life is out of whack. By that, I mean the triangle that my therapist drew for me to demonstrate my stress load. On one side of the triangle are all the tasks I have to complete. Think of it as a to do list that changes minute by minute. Things get added, things get accomplished or discarded. On the second side is time. That’s pretty self-explanatory. I have to have enough time if I’m going to get all those things done. On the third side is resources. These are all the things I might use to accomplish my tasks. Money. Knowledge. Equipment. People to help. Energy. Ability. Health. All that good stuff.
If I take on one more obligation, task, errand or chore, if I’m to succeed, my time and/or resources will have to increase, or I’ll have to take something off of my to do list. If I don’t do that, then my stress level skyrockets and my ability to get everything done plummets.
All three sides of the triangle don’t have to remain equal to function. If you have more resources, you can accomplish things with less time, for example. But as a function of my autism, I greatly prefer that my triangle remain equilateral. I find it much easier to cope if all things are equal.
Unfortunately, life is not like that. That’s why people who are more skilled at executive function tend to get further in life. Those people have good self-control, working memory, and mental flexibility. Because of those qualities, they are capable of following directions, focusing, prioritizing, organizing, controlling emotions and attaining their goals.
Me, not so much. Thanks, autism!
But now that my therapist has provided me with this handy visual, I’m beginning to understand that there are things I can do to achieve the “equilateralism” that I crave. It won’t be easy. I’m going to have to make some hard decisions if I’m going to survive with my sanity intact.
I’m going to have to free up time by being realistic about my ability to get things done. I need to know when to say when. I have to get comfortable with the fact that I can’t keep up with the highly motivated, type A neurotypicals of this world. I have got to ask for help when I need it. I have got to prioritize my self-care so that I’ll have the energy and strength to get things done. And most of all, I need to stop beating myself up when I fail to meet my (mostly self-imposed) deadlines.
Step one is familiarizing myself with my limitations and not feeling guilty about them.
I’d go into more detail, but I need a nap. It is on my to do list. So, wish me luck in my quest for equilateralism, dear reader! I’ll need all the help I can get.
Hey! Look what I wrote! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5
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