Somewhere in my early teens, I seem to have given up on any attempt at physical or mental organization. I valued it. I still do. But it takes about 1000 times more energy for me to maintain any semblance of executive function than it does for a neurotypical person. Autism. The gift that keeps on giving.

The enormous amount of stress I put myself through in my attempts to keep it together back then just became too much for me. As with most people, the older I got, the more responsibilities I had. I started feeling like I was attempting to juggle more and more objects of different weights, sizes, and potentials for harm, and, in my case, practice was definitely not making perfect. Things were crashing down all around me with disturbing frequency. Try as I might, I was finding it impossible to keep up with the rest of the world. That had a disastrous effect on my self-esteem.

Getting my autism diagnosis two weeks before my 58^th birthday was an eye opener. It has helped me understand why I am the way I am on so many levels. It also gave me renewed hope that improvements can be made. No, there’s no cure for autism. But I firmly believe that once a challenge has been identified, you can get coping skills to make that challenge a little less formidable. Knowledge is power, after all.

I have been thinking a lot lately about ways in which I might get my sh** together, at least to a certain extent. I had never even heard of the concept of executive function until I got my diagnosis and started reading up on autism. It might look like laziness to the outside observer, but it is, in fact, a cognitive issue. I’m definitely still a work in progress, but I now understand that in order to do the work, you have to have the tools.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with it, here’s the definition of the thing that eludes me:

executive function

noun

psychology

: the group of complex mental processes and cognitive abilities (such as working memory, impulse inhibition, and reasoning) that control the skills (such as organizing tasks, remembering details, managing time, and solving problems) required for goal-directed behavior.

Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

After much thought, I’ve decided that my biggest struggles in this area seem to be related to a) prioritizing tasks, and b) determining how long things will take to complete.

I think the latter issue has a lot to do with the fact that I love learning new things so much that I tend to go off on research tangents. I might have started off trying to learn how to do some sort of home repair, for example, and then 5 hours later I find myself knee deep in an article on affordable housing projects done by Habitat for Humanity International. Yes, that’s interesting, but not helpful for completing my particular task. Tackling that aspect of this challenge is not within my current skill set, though, so I decided to focus, for now, on coming up with a tool that will help me prioritize things.

I created the following flow chart in hopes that I don’t get so bogged down in the minutiae of life that I forget to do the important stuff. I’m rather proud of the results. It took me a long time to figure out the steps involved, and an even longer time to create the flowchart itself. Free flowchart templates, even those advertised as being simple, were beyond my comprehension, so I wound up having to create this from scratch, which was maddening.

What do you think of it? If you like it, feel free to share it and/or use it yourself. Can this chart be improved in any way? Have I left out any steps? I’m definitely open to suggestion.

I’m already thinking a future revision may be needed, though, because I failed to mention one critical step. That step is related to knowing one’s limitations. Now that I know what’s going on with me, I’m also learning that there’s a fine line between allowing my reach to exceed my grasp and trying to take on so many things that I become overwhelmed to the point of paralysis.

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to delegate. It’s okay to say, “Sorry. I can’t remove your gallbladder for you, because even though I’m confident that I could learn how to do so, medical school would be entirely too time consuming for me at this juncture, and my energy and finances are limited.”

So, why didn’t I make that revision regarding limitations before writing this post? To be honest, I’m feeling a little gun shy. In my first attempt to use this flowchart, it seems to have blown up in my face in a spectacular, yet unexpected, fashion. But that’s information for my next post. I will, however, share with you a much simpler and more to-the-point flowchart that is a result of my subsequent bitterness in the aftermath of my epic fail. It’s not particularly helpful in terms of task completion, but it is kind of funny.

May your day be devoid of chaos, dear reader.

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