Dear Idiot:
I’m sure that you’re feeling very proud of yourself for jumping across an opening drawbridge just like they do in the movies. You’re probably sitting at some bar, bragging to your buddies, even as I write this. That’s why I feel the need to write this.
Just so you know, I have been a bridgetender for 22 years. I am extremely proud of the fact that no one has ever gotten hurt on my watch. I don’t think I could continue to do this job if that ever changed. It may seem like I just sit up here and occasionally press a button, as if a trained monkey could do my job, but my coworkers and I take the safety of the traveling public very seriously.
I understand that the cultural norm these days is to not consider consequences, and to just do what one wants without taking other people into consideration. (And when did we stop teaching about critical thinking in schools? I’d really like to know.) In that way, you’re right on the cutting edge of society. But I’d like to point out the many potential consequences of your cute little act of rebellion. You’re sitting there, drinking your beer and bragging, but things could have ended very differently.
First of all, when you jumped over the already closed traffic gate, you could have caught your foot on it and fallen face first onto the concrete. Then you’d be drinking your beer through a straw for months until they unwired your jaw, set your nose, and replaced your teeth.
Dozens of people saw your antics, just as dozens of people are hearing you brag. Some of them may be just as stupid, but less coordinated than you are, and they might try what you did and get really hurt. Or perhaps some young person gets encouraged to make the attempt because you got away with it, and they wind up dying in the process.
If you had stumbled center span, your foot or arm could have become trapped and most likely amputated at the pinch point. You seem to overlook the fact that you just took on about a million pounds of concrete and steel in motion. You lived to tell the tale this time. Next time, you might not be so lucky. Don’t believe me? Google “Death and Drawbridges” some time. You’ll get lots of hits.
Fortunately for me, the opening in question was for a sailboat, so I was able to abruptly stop mid-opening without further consequence. But twice a day I open the bridge for a 3000 gross ton gravel barge. The captain can’t exactly slam on the brakes or make a u-turn if I say, “Hold on. I’ve got a pedestrian acting the fool.” So then I’m presented with the question that I hope I never have to answer:
Do I stop the opening to improve your chances of survival, thus potentially killing the barge captain, damaging the bridge by his vessel’s impact, and causing gridlock in town for years as the bridge gets replaced to the tune of millions of tax dollars, or… do I continue the opening and potentially kill you?
There’s no way to predict what I’d do in that highly charged moment, but intellectually, if I have no other choices, I’d choose the path of least damage and consequences, and concentrate the suffering on the one person who made a poor choice. I’d have to kill you. Then I’d write up a report and pray I didn’t lose my job and my livelihood over something that YOU chose to do on a whim. You. Not me. (But it’s probably a moot point, because I’d be so emotionally devastated that I most likely would have to quit anyway. And pay for therapy for the rest of my life.)
Your actions did have three very definite consequences: 1) The adrenaline dump I experienced made me want to throw up my lunch, and I went home and slept for 12 hours. 2) I was so rattled at the end of the shift that I wound up having to take the next day off to recover, because that level of stupidity is something I’ll never get used to. And 3) since I had to stop in the middle of my bridge opening for you, you held up traffic for about 1000 commuters, some of whom might have had legitimate reasons to be in a hurry.
In light of all the above, I hope you’ll avoid ever pulling that stunt again. It doesn’t make you look like a hero. It’s nothing to brag about.
Sincerely,
A bridgetender who is simply trying to keep everyone safe.
Oh, and P.S.: Most guys can’t pull off a black spandex bodysuit and bright orange tennis shoes, and you are definitely no exception. Just Sayin’.
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