The View from a Drawbridge

It was 3:10 am, and I had gotten up to pee, as one does. I tiptoed into the bathroom, because that’s what you do in a good partnership. You make an effort to be considerate. This, despite the fact that tiptoeing is entirely unnecessary for me. Nothing short of a 60-pound dog to the sternum will wake Dear Husband up. I, on the other hand, can usually be roused by a mosquito farting in my neighbor’s basement.

While we’re on the subject, why is it that most men can fall asleep mid-sentence, when so many women do the mind grind for at least an hour before finally drifting off? I find this incredibly annoying, especially when asked, “Why are you so tired?  We both went to bed at the same time.” (Men are lucky that the average woman tends not to be violent, is all I’m saying.)

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. The bathroom. So, I was sitting there on the throne, in the dark, because I knew that if I turned the light on I’d wake up even more, and any hope of getting back to sleep would be lost. This, of course, caused me to drift off/ “day” dream while perched there. I have no idea how much time had passed.

So, there I was, in the throes of a full-on muse-fest, when I noticed movement in the hallway out of the corner of my eye, courtesy of the dim yet annoying glow of the street light through the frosted glass window. What I saw was a white undershirt floating toward me. I kid you not. That’s what I saw. Naturally, I let out an ungodly screech, and the undershirt followed suit, levitating even further off the ground for good measure. All need to evacuate quickly disappeared.

It turns out that Dear Husband hadn’t been in bed as I had assumed. He couldn’t sleep either, so he had tiptoed into the living room. By pure coincidence, he chose that exact moment to tiptoe down the hall and take a pee break himself, with startling results.

And just like that, we were both wide awake. Brace yourself, newlyweds! This being considerate thing can backfire sometimes. Thank goodness we are able to laugh in times like these.

Have a good day, Dear Reader! I hope you slept well.

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