When you were a kid, did you ever go to the movies, pay for the first one, and sneak into one or two more when that first one was done? I plead the fifth. But if I were the type to do such a thing, I bet I’d have had butterflies in my stomach for being such a rebel. I’m sure that would add to the ambience of the movie itself.
It’s a safe bet that I could get away with those types of shenanigans much easier now that I’m 59. My age and weight render me all but invisible. That can come in handy sometimes. And the butterflies would now be a mix of rebellion and nostalgia. So much the better.
So, just imagine seeing the latest edition of the Alien franchise after having seen another scary movie beforehand. Your adrenaline already working on overtime, all the ubiquitous jumps that Alien: Romulus provides would have you screaming like a little girl. I bet it would be good (and kind of romantic) to have a partner in crime to grab hold of at a time like that.
So, where was I? Oh yeah. The review! (Spoiler alert, by the way.)
If you enjoy scary movies, if you like to jump out of your skin, and if you can handle a Big-Gulp-sized serving of gore, then Alien: Romulus is for you. I have to be in a certain mood for this kind of thing, but I went in feeling adrenalized, so I figured, why not go the distance? If you’re on a rollercoaster already, you may as well keep your eyes open for the big plunge, right?
This movie begins on a ringed planet called LV-410, but even so, it felt very Alien-like from the very start. It’s a land that is gritty, harsh, and with a color palette of blacks and browns. It instantly establishes itself as somewhere you would not want to be, even for a second. Sunlight never reaches its surface due to clouds and smog. Nothing about this place is comfortable. It’s all sharp edges and hard surfaces and scary, desperate inhabitants.
Despite her location, the main character, Rain, is a lot more vulnerable than Ripley ever was. She’s young and alone except for her “brother” Andy, a frequently malfunctioning android that her late father cobbled together to protect her. She takes care of him and repairs his many glitches, but she can’t lose him. You can tell she would not be at all okay if she lost him. And that fascinating dynamic, a sort of seesaw of protector and protectee, is what fuels the film. And to add more layers to the relationship, at certain points, Andy’s programming changes, and Rain is not always his priority. It’s complicated.
I think Neil DeGrasse Tyson would have fun with this film, as so much poetic license is taken with science. You have to suspend a lot of disbelief to get through the story. But, hey, if you go to this movie expecting it to be based on real events, you’re already gullible.
The bulk of the movie takes place on an abandoned research station that is pure Alien. Lots of metal walkways, lots of acidic slime, lots of dead bodies. The baby aliens are the love children of incredibly strong spiders and scorpions, so how could they not creep you out? Anything that can be described as scuttling is bound to make the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention.
And the movie was a homage to Alien and Aliens. The dialogue includes several direct quotes that will be easily recognizable from them. We even have a guest appearance by the late actor Ian Holm, a deep fake version, anyway, and he’s playing, of course, an android, just as he was before. I spent half the movie wondering if his estate was getting paid for this. All I could find was that the estate had given permission. I’m not sure if any money changed hands. But it should have. “He” did an excellent job. (I’m waiting for the day that a deep fake gets an Oscar. And if so, what would the acceptance speech be like, and who would get to take home the statue?)
I do highly recommend this movie. But be sure you have the stomach and the nervous system for it. There are some seriously gross scenes.
The only negatives, if you can call them that, were that my analytical autistic mind kept thinking things like, “How did a bunch of indentured slaves manage to get and pilot a ship up to the abandoned research station that has drifted into the planet’s orbit? Where did they get the fuel? And why would anyone leave a zillion dollars’ worth of spare parts in a deteriorating orbit around the planet in the first place? And when things start exploding, why aren’t a lot of ships converging on the drama to see what the hell is going on?”
But mostly, in between screaming like a little girl as predicted, I couldn’t wait to get home and make this meme from the movie’s poster. I hope it gets stolen and shared. It would be cool to have a meme of mine go viral.
Now is the perfect time to stay at home and read a good book. Try mine! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5
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