Ever since I was on the losing end of a recent automobile accident, I’ve been getting a deep tissue massage (which really should be called massage torture) every week. It’s actually starting to help, but it isn’t fun. The very worst part of it, though, is waiting in the waiting room.
It’s a tiny room, so the only thing separating me from the receptionist is a relatively low counter. That’s not a problem. She’s always courteous and pleasant. It only becomes a problem when the manager is sitting out there next to her. Apparently the woman has an office, but she prefers to hover.
I don’t know how long the receptionist has been working there. Perhaps she is being trained. But this goes beyond training. The manager treats her as if she is a puppet on strings. (From here on out I’ll use M for manager and R for receptionist, just to give my typing fingers a break.) M will tell R exactly where to put something. And by that, I mean that she’ll expect R to move it three inches to the left of where she herself had chosen to place it while she’s still actively using the thing, because that “will be easier” for her.
I mean, for God’s sake, let R develop her own system! Suggest tricks and tips that you’ve come across over the years, but don’t turn them into rules. As long as the intended result comes about in an accurate and timely fashion, what the hell do you care?
M will tell R to do this thing first and that thing second, when they’re unrelated and both have the same deadline. What difference does it make? She tells her how high to adjust her chair. She tells her the proper way to open a package, but does not give any logical reason why her way is the only proper way. She tells her which scissors to use, how to sharpen a pencil, and that she suggests (read “expects”) that R leaves 3 (not 2, not 4) blank sheets of typing paper next to her keyboard at any given time, because you just never know when you might need them. (I have a strong feeling that M will count the number of sheets periodically throughout the day.)
All of this is excruciating to watch. Every minute I spend in a room with the two of them triggers me. I’ve been working for 50 years so far, so I’ve run afoul of my fair share of micromanagers. People like that can make your working life so miserable that it can spill over to your personal life. And the irony is that most micromanagers have absolutely no idea that they are micromanagers.
I have several theories as to why people micromanage. One is that they fear that if they don’t control everything, they’ll lose power, and they fought very hard to get the power that they now have. They don’t realize that micromanaging is actually detrimental to maintaining that power, because it chips away at their reputation. If you allow the people you supervise to shine, you shine by association.
A second reason is that they most likely did your job at one time or another, and they probably were quite good at it, or they wouldn’t have been promoted in the first place. It would be natural for them to think that their way of doing things is the best way. That’s also a shame, because that attitude crushes innovation.
Also, it’s not uncommon for people to want to stick to their comfort zone, and if that comfort zone is your job, which they used to have, then they might want to do it for you. Which means they’re scared and insecure. That’s kind of sad, really.
There could be other things going on as well. They could be OCD, and your more casual approach to things might cause them stress. If that’s the case, you’re really in a pickle, because that would be hard to overcome.
Some micromanagers might just be horrible communicators. For example, I’m on the autism spectrum, and I sometimes forget that my bluntness can offend people. When I train someone, I have to remember to say that some of the things I’ll be showing them are practices that I’ve found to be the easiest way to do things over the years. They’re suggestions that they don’t necessarily have to follow. If at some point they are unsure whether I’m telling them something that is a rule vs. a suggestion, I encourage them to ask.
And in general, I’m often able to spot problems before they occur and head them off at the pass. That’s one of my autism superpowers. But that can come off as me being a know-it-all rather than me trying to help. (I have to admit that I wouldn’t particularly enjoy working with me.)
One of the many reasons I don’t want to be put in a supervisory position myself is that I’m quite sure that, due to my place on the autism spectrum, I would have a strong tendency to be a micromanager myself. There’s no shame in admitting that management is not in my skill set. It’s only with age that I’m learning that it’s okay if someone wants to do something in what I perceive to be the hard way, or in a much different way than I would, as long as it isn’t causing problems for others, and as long as the desired outcome is achieved on time. There is more than one way to peel an orange, after all.
If only micromanagers were self-aware enough to know the damage that they cause, and were willing to take advice. If they were, I’d say, “For God’s sake, don’t grip the steering wheel so tightly. Have faith that your staff will get you where you need to go.”
And to be clear, I don’t think that M is trying to be overbearing. In most other ways, she’s a very nice person. She probably thinks she’s being helpful, and has no idea that her help comes off as being a strong indication that she thinks R is not competent to do the job herself. She may or may not believe that about R, but either way it’s insulting.
Having said all that, I’m not going to try to tell you how to cope with a micromanager. There are tons of articles and videos online that address that subject much better than I ever could. And that isn’t really the goal of this post.
In the title, I promised a pep talk. And I have to admit that much of this talk has already been written. If you have any sense of me at all, then you know that I couldn’t resist leaving R a note of encouragement. Because I feel her pain. I’ve been there. I wish someone had left such a note for me while I was in the depths of my despair. So here’s what I’d like to say to everyone who is micromanaged. (And feel free to share this with anyone you know who is going through this special brand of hell.)
Hello Micromanaged Person!
First of all, I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s one of the most horrible, frustrating, irritating and demoralizing work experiences a person can have. No one deserves it. This will come as cold comfort, but you are definitely not alone.
If you’re doing the best you can, and if you know that you’re intelligent, competent, and quite capable of doing the job even when your micromanager is not breathing down your neck, then please don’t let yourself forget that you have those qualities. Just because that insecure person does not place his or her trust in you does not mean that you aren’t trustworthy. The fact that you have shown up for this mistreatment day after day shows your dedication and perseverance, and those are traits that are rare and very valuable. Your fortitude is admirable.
If you are young, then it is almost a certainty that this will not be the only job you ever have. You will move on to bigger and better things. If you take nothing else away from this experience, use it as an opportunity to learn exactly what type of supervisor you never want to be. There’s value in negative knowledge as well.
In the meantime, unless you are working in a two-person operation in Siberia, then others know that your micromanager is being rude, insulting, and frankly, a jerk, too. Even if no one has said anything to you, they think it. Do your best to take the high road and hang onto all the wonderful, valuable personal qualities that your micromanager can only dream of having, self-awareness being one of those.
Please know that eventually you’ll come out the other side of this. With any luck, your current nightmare will give you increased compassion for others who find themselves in similar situations. If so, I hope you’ll be able to send them a note like this. I sure wish someone had sent me one when I found myself in a similar situation.
But your main takeaway should be this: I made it, and so will you.
Hang in there.
-A Fellow Traveler
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