A Shout Out to Graveyard Shift Workers

Thank you for your hard work and sacrifice.

I want to express my appreciation for all the people who work graveyard shift. I did it for 13 years, so I can tell you that it affects your health and your relationships. Your whole world revolves around a desperate need to get enough sleep. You miss festivals and events and ceremonies, and dating is all but impossible. You can’t attend religious ceremonies. Just about everything that allows you to be a part of your community is out of reach. And you are always, always exhausted.

You are also driving the roads at a time when a higher percentage of drivers are intoxicated or otherwise impaired. There are fewer pedestrians to deal with, but a higher percentage of them are out to commit crimes. You are a lot less safe than those of us who work day or swing shifts.

The articles I’m attaching below show that graveyard shift workers have a higher risk of heart attack and stroke, diabetes and cancer. They gain weight at a higher rate. Their divorce rate is higher. They average fewer than 6 hours of sleep per day, and are more likely to be in car accidents.

Graveyard shift workers help the economy. They keep goods and services flowing, and often do so while being overlooked by the rest of us. When you call 911 or rush to the emergency room at 3 a.m, they are there. They are why you can look forward to next day delivery. They are our security guards, our street sweepers, our mail sorters and our factory workers. They drive our trucks, ships, buses and planes.

I want to thank all graveyard shift workers, past and present, for your hard work and sacrifices. Many people don’t realize how much you are depended upon, but you really do make a difference. Thank you, and please share this with all the graveyard shift workers in your life.

The Night Shift | Psychology Today

Managing 24/7: Shiftwork and Divorce – CIRCADIAN

The risks of night work (apa.org)

Shift Workers – Consumer Health News | HealthDay

Night Shifts Linked to Higher Risk of Heart Attack, Stroke | TIME.com

Enjoying my view? Then you’ll enjoy my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

Very Satisfying

People gain satisfaction in a wide variety of ways.

The weather has improved, so I’m back to watering the plants in my garden. I’d forgotten how much I love to do this. I can just get quiet, shut off my brain, and commune with the plants. I feel like I’m doing something nice for them, and they show their appreciation by their growth. I love seeing things bloom or produce fruit or vegetables, or simply look beautiful in their own ways. I especially love seeing the bees enjoying them, and I delight at the worms in the soil and the snails and the ladybugs. It’s fun to watch the birds visit the birdbaths. It all just makes me happy, and makes me feel connected to the wider world.

It’s all very satisfying.

I’ve been using that phrase a lot of late. It’s a simple phrase, but it conveys a depth of emotion. Oddly, I never thought of the profound feeling that accompanies this phrase until I heard someone use it in response to a pimple popping video. I’m sure you’re saying ewwww right now, but that’s the whole point. People gain satisfaction in a wide variety of ways, and one person’s disgust is another person’s contentment over solving a physical problem quickly and efficiently.

I also find working on my little free library to be very satisfying. When I see someone taking books from it, I feel even more satisfied. I enjoy exercising at the YMCA, too, and when I’m done, I’m proud of myself, and find it very satisfying. This blog can be extremely satisfying, especially when I get a comment that shows it has touched someone.

Doing good deeds is becoming a bit of an addiction, now that I am in a position to do these things more frequently. Paying it forward is about as satisfying as it gets. Not that I’m keeping score. In fact, it’s much more satisfying when you don’t keep score.

Spending time with friends, eating a good meal, reading a book, and taking a guilt-free nap? All satisfying, in my estimation. Life is good.

It’s all about properly identifying the feelings that you have. Once you know you’re satisfied, then you become grateful for that satisfaction, and it all turns into a sort of perpetual motion machine of goodness. Yay.

So, what satisfies you?

An attitude of gratitude is what you need to get along. Read my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

The Curse of Too Much Cake

What a curse, to lack gratitude.

I love cake, but if I ate it every single day, I’m sure I’d get sick of it, or at the very least, I wouldn’t appreciate it. So I have a slice of cake maybe once or twice a year, and it’s Nirvana.

That’s how my mother used to feel about oranges. She grew up in New England, toward the beginning of the last century, when produce wasn’t available out of season, and it certainly wasn’t shipped from other parts of the country or world. So on the rare occasion when she got to sample an actual orange, she viewed it as a luxury to be savored. I, too, love oranges, but I don’t think I will ever be able to have the appreciation for them that my mother had. I envy that.

Being able to see something’s value, its worth, to know what it’s like to be grateful for the mere existence of a thing, is in itself a precious gift.

I have always felt rather sorry for children of privilege. They will never know how exciting travel is. They will never appreciate a comfortable bed or a truly well-made meal. The pure joy of knowing what it’s like to work hard and sacrifice to finally reach a goal will forever elude them. They expect everything to be handed to them, so that’s the only anticipation they will ever know.

Children of privilege often don’t take advantage of unique experiences, because they believe that everything they could ever want or need will always be there. They would never run outside to see the Northern Lights. They probably can’t even be bothered to look up from their cell phones long enough to experience an eclipse.

I will always have a sense of excitement and wonder and pure joy when I get to do or see something new. I’ll never forget how tiny my piece of the cake was when I was growing up, so I will always appreciate every crumb that comes my way. What a curse, to lack gratitude. If that were my fate, merely existing would seem all but pointless.

Life is delicious. It should be feasted upon.

An attitude of gratitude is what you need to get along. Read my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

Extra Gratitude for Thanksgiving

The way you frame things matters.

One of the recurring themes in this blog is gratitude. I write about this topic so often because I genuinely believe that attitude is everything. I think that even in our darkest hours, there are things to appreciate if you look hard enough. Even bitter lessons are worthy of gratitude because they help you grow and survive.

There is so much in this world that we take for granted. Sometimes it’s worth stopping and taking a breath and appreciating the sun on your face and the wind in the trees. It’s such a gift to be alive and able to think and reason and exercise free will and create beauty and give and receive love.

I think the unhappiest people are those who focus on the negative in their lives. They may be unhappy because of their negative focus, or negative experiences may have made them unhappy, but either way, until that cycle is broken, nothing will change. It makes me sad to see people trapped in that way.

I’m not saying we should all wander around like Stepford Wives. And yes, bad things happen to us all. It’s just that the way you frame things matters. It takes practice. Some days will be a lot harder than others. But there’s good out there, if you only look.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and it’s fast approaching. I wish we didn’t need a holiday to remember to give thanks. I think gratitude should be part of our daily lives.

I feel so strongly about this topic that I published an anthology of my essays on gratitude. It’s called A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude. I’m really proud of it. I think it would make a great Thanksgiving gift, or, for that matter, a gift any time of the year for a loved one who could use a little positivity. And can’t we all use some of that? Think about it.

As always, I’m grateful that you take the time to read my blog. As a little bonus, below is one of the short and to the point essays that you can find in the book. This one was originally posted on this blog on November 29, 2015.

Gratitude

Ever since I moved to Seattle, I’ve sort of felt as if my heart has come to reside outside of my rib cage. Vulnerable. Exposed. Sensitive. It’s kind of a crazy feeling. I need to develop a thicker skin.

I’ve just been through so much in the past couple years. I’ve given up so much, sacrificed so much. I’ve taken some insane risks, some of which have paid off, and some of which have blown up in my face.

But on a positive note, this has caused me to appreciate all the good in life so much more deeply. When I think of my friends and loved ones, near and far and old and new, I often well up with tears of joy. A good sunrise can take my breath away. I can be walking down the street and suddenly it hits me how lucky I am to be where I am, and I have to stop dead in my tracks for a second and gather myself.

In essence, I’ve become a sentimental old fool. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

sun-gratitude

No, Your Computer Isn’t Slow

E-mails sure beat saddle sores.

It’s really frustrating when you are sitting at your computer, staring at that stupid hourglass, waiting for… whatever. Everybody hates when a computer is slow to download. It’s really inconvenient.

But when I hear someone complain about this, I have to laugh inside. I can’t help but think, as I’m trying to send that e-mail, that 100 short years ago, if I had wanted to get that message delivered, a whole different process would have to occur.

You’d write the message. You’d give it to a delivery person, or deliver it yourself. You’d go outside. You’d saddle your horse. You’d hop on. You’d ride across town. You’d deliver the message. You’d probably be obligated to socialize. You’d then return home, where you’d groom and feed the horse and clean his stall. It’s amazing that anyone got anything done.

Suddenly a slow e-mail doesn’t seem so bad. Even at its worst, it sure beats saddle sores. Try not to forget that.

I feel the same way about microwaves. How can we possibly get impatient with a microwave when a century ago you’d have been sweating in a hot kitchen, after having spent months raising your crops and/or your livestock, then going through the monumental hassle of preparing, cooking and serving the meal? And lest we forget, no refrigeration. We should kiss our microwaves.

We are able to do everything so much faster these days that somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten about patience and appreciation. I’m not sure that sacrificing those qualities for the sake of convenience was a fair trade.

hourglass

Portable gratitude. Inspiring pictures. Claim your copy of my first collection of favorite posts! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

 

Love Languages

People have very unique ways of expressing love and also of feeling loved.

A friend of mine turned me on to the book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Have I read it? No. I’m already overwhelmed without adding another book to my reading list. But the subject intrigues me quite a bit.

I have always noticed that people have very unique ways of expressing love and also of feeling loved. I think it’s important to know what signifies love to your partner, so you can express it in a way that means the most to him or her. It’s also interesting to examine what equals love to you, so that you can see when someone is expressing love to you in a way that you’re not noticing.

If your partner’s love language is touch, for example, and he touches you a lot, that’s his way of expressing love, even if your language is different. Learn to appreciate it. And touch him a lot. And tell him what means the most to you.

Here are the 5 types of love languages that Mr. Chapman has identified, in no particular order:

  • Acts of Service– This is the one I relate to the most. Having someone do something for me when they can see I’m overwhelmed is practically an aphrodisiac to me. Want to show me you love me? Do my laundry! My boyfriend recently went to my house and left some chicken in the fridge for me so that I wouldn’t have to make lunch for the next day, because he knew I’d be exhausted. That moved me to tears.

  • Quality Time– Pay attention. Listen. Focus. If you want someone to feel special, just be there.

  • Words of Affirmation– Some people feel most special when they hear “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.”

  • Physical Touch– We’re not just talking sex, here. This means hand holding, or even just resting your hand lightly on your partner’s arm.

  • Receiving Gifts– This isn’t about being a gold digger. This is about being really touched by the effort it takes to obtain or make the gift, and the thought you put into determining what that person would like.

This is a fascinating avenue of inquiry. If you want to know what your love language is, take the test here. You may learn quite a bit.

I don’t know if Mr. Chapman gets into this in his book, but there are also a lot of toxic “love” languages out there. Here are a few I’ve seen:

  • Feeding– When food equals love, it tends to bring on health issues. I’ve seen many mother’s do this. “Eat hardy!” “Did you get enough to eat?” “Let me make you your favorite cake.” It’s a form of love, I suppose, but it’s very destructive.

  • Jealousy– I’ll never understand people who actually enjoy it when their partner is jealous. “He must really love me if he gets that upset.” That’s not love. That’s a warped control dynamic.

  • Teasing– It may start off as cute and funny, but over time it can evolve into insults and cruelty. Again, not the best path to go down.

What makes you feel most loved? Let me know in the comments below!

Love Languages

I wrote an actual book, and you can own it! How cool is that? http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

 

Gratitude Alarm

I don’t have a smart phone. In fact, my phone is just about as stupid as they come in this modern world. But hey, it only costs me about 5 bucks a month, so as far as I’m concerned, that makes me pretty darned smart.

Living in this state of self-imposed technological deprivation, I know nothing about apps. There may already be an app for this, but if not, there really should be. I would call this app the “gratitude alarm”. It would instruct your phone to set off a gentle alarm at random, completely unanticipated times throughout your day. The alarm would remind you to stop what you’re doing and look about you, and really appreciate your place in the now.

Too often, we forget to do this. Sometimes you need to just enjoy the sensation of the sun on your face. Don’t take your current experience for granted. Be grateful for the people you are having lunch with, and for the food on your plate. Embrace the experience of that crowded subway, as it’s taking you where you want to go. Appreciate the fact that you have a job when so many others do not. Admire that flowering “weed” that you might have otherwise overlooked.

I suspect that if people were to use this app for just a few weeks, they’d see a shift in their attitude for the better. After a while, the app would no longer be needed. An attitude of gratitude can become a delightful habit if you let it.

For now, pretend this blog post is your alarm. Stop right now. Look around. Be grateful.

alarm

Portable gratitude. Inspiring pictures. Claim your copy of my first collection of favorite posts! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

 

Plaudits

plaudit

noun. plau·dit \ ˈplȯ-dət \

1 : an act or round of applause

2 : enthusiastic approval —usually used in plural

  • received the plaudits of the critics

Plaudit is one of my favorite words. I wish it were used more often. I love the sound of it, but I especially love the sentiment behind the term. It’s all about giving credit where credit is due. That doesn’t seem to happen enough these days. Those who take the time to make the world a better place, even if they aren’t looking for kudos, deserve applause as far as I’m concerned.

There are so many opportunities to show appreciation to people. Do you take those opportunities? Have you thanked someone today?

Here are some plaudits that I’m sure everyone can agree with:

  • To all veterans and first responders for being heroes.

  • To teachers, for spreading knowledge and influencing all of us to be the best we can be.

  • To volunteers, for being so generous with their time.

  • To owners of rescue animals, for saving lives and providing them with safety and love.

  • To artists, for making life worth living for the rest of us in so many ways.

  • To friends, for being supportive.

  • To farmers, for providing us with sustenance.

  • To writers, for making us think.

  • To listeners, for listening.

And I’d like to send out a very personal and heartfelt plaudit to you, dear reader, for making this blog such a pleasure to write, and for giving me feedback and sharing it with others. I wouldn’t be here without you. So thanks!

Who do you think deserves plaudits?

Plaudits

An attitude of gratitude is what you need to get along. Read my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

Your Good Opinion

The other day, I wrote a blog post entitled “A Surreal Encounter”. After a friend read it, she said, “You did the right thing. And your response was good, too. Proud of you.”

Of course I thanked her and told her that that meant a lot to me, but I don’t think that adequately puts across just how much it means to me. It brings tears to my eyes, just thinking about it. Everybody appreciates positive feedback. I think that most of us, deep down, wonder if we’re doing a good job in life. And for some reason, compliments are thin on the ground these days, so when you get one, it’s delicious. Savor it.

Personally, one “I’m proud of you” from someone I respect is worth more to me than gold. Because of that, I try to say that to people when I genuinely feel that way. They aren’t mind readers. They deserve to be told. And it’s so easy to do.

I don’t understand why people don’t realize what a precious commodity their good opinion is to the recipient thereof. I mean, it has become increasingly obvious in a general sense. We like to be “liked” for our Facebook comments. Everyone loves to be “swiped right”. So you’d think we wouldn’t be so hesitant to say, “Good job!”

If you haven’t given someone a sincere compliment in the last 24 hours, you may want to sit down and think about why that is. Do you really have such a low opinion of the people around you? If so, poor you. It must be a miserable world that you live in.

Or do you think that your words won’t mean anything to others? To that I say poppycock. And even if your compliment means nothing to the recipient, it’s not like you have a limited supply and you need to use them sparingly. It’s good practice. How hard is it to say, “I like your shirt,” or “Well done!”

If we all committed to giving one extra compliment per day, I think it would make a palpable difference in this world, which currently seems to be so obsessed with hate and division. Give it a try. What have you got to lose?

compliments

Check out my refreshingly positive book for these depressingly negative times. http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

My Body Lets Me Have It

Consider this to be a thought experiment. If your body were a separate, sentient being, and you were simply a parasite who rode around inside of it and dictated what it did, what would your body want to say to you? I’m fairly certain mine would be rather furious.

So, what follows is my attempt to voice my body’s opinions.

“Oh, HELL no! This has got to stop. My whole life, I’ve done every single thing you’ve asked of me.

“I have run, walked, jumped, and even danced to your tune. I’ve toted that barge and lifted that freakin’ bale. I’ve even climbed up the side of a volcano for you, for cryin’ out loud! I have fought off infections, suffered broken bones, survived illness and surgeries, and subjected myself to untold numbers of indignities, all for you. For you!

“And what have I gotten in return? Abuse. Pure and simple.

“You’ve pierced me, poked me, and put me in precarious shoes. You’ve sunburned me, dehydrated me, and exposed me to toxic substances. You’ve closed my fingers in doors. You’ve crashed me into things. You’ve dressed me funny. You do stuff you know is going to make me feel worse.

 “You fill me with junk food. I don’t need it or want it, and still, in it goes! It’s like there’s this crappy food conveyor belt and you keep it piled high. Are you trying to turn my liver into foie gras?

“And do you exercise? Do you even take me for a freakin’ walk? Nooooooo… Not you. You’d rather sleep or binge-watch Star Trek. (Although I must admit, you give me plenty of rest, and then some.)

 “And where’s the appreciation after all I’ve done for you? You don’t love me. You don’t even like me. You do nothing but criticize me. You have spent half your life being ashamed of me, and picking me apart for not meeting your standards. That’s the thanks I get.

“You are a kind person. I’ve seen you be kind to others every single day. It’s time you appreciated me for all I’ve done for you, Buddy-roo. It’s time for this relationship to become a two-way street. You’d be lost without me. Where’s the freakin’ love?

body

Like this blog? Then you’ll LOVE this book! http://amzn.to/2cCHgUu