book – Page 3 – The View from a Drawbridge

Giving Your Artistic Baby Away

There comes a time in the creative process when you have to place your art in the hands of someone else. This happens with writers, painters, musicians, sculptors, and anyone else who forms something in his or her imagination and goes on to give it life. If you can conceive of something and make it real for others, and yet not become emotionally invested in it, you have no heart. I have yet to meet a heartless artist.

One of the best ways to feel immortal is to create something that will exist long after you’re gone. In that way, art is like procreation. In essence, your art is your baby.

Unfortunately, as a general rule, artists don’t get to spend years with their work before having to experience empty nest syndrome. I’m not simply talking about that moment when you sell your work and assume you’ll never see it again. I mean that point in the process where you have to rely on others. Editors, producers, managers, publicists, gallery owners. They all have a profound impact on the “life” of your “child.”

You are forced to loosen your grip. You have to accept the fact that you are no longer in complete control. Personally, I find this to be scary.

Once I had finished deciding what I wanted to have included in my first anthology, it then was handed over to the photographer, the editor, the cover designer… a whole host of people with their own unique visions of the final product. Yes, I still had influence. My opinions were sought out. And of course I had veto power. But relinquishing total control is extremely unsettling.

It took me quite some time to realize that that part of the process had plunged me into a low-grade depression. I wasn’t my best self at that point. And the irony is that I had total faith in my collaborators. I chose them because I respected their work. But it was still my baby that I was handing over. That is bound to have an emotional impact.

But like most parents, I’ve come to look upon my baby, now all grown up, and feel pride. I may not have any real control over the impact, or lack thereof, that my book has in the world anymore, but I really do feel that I built it on solid foundations. I gave it the best possible start. I watch it from a distance and I marvel.

And now I can’t wait to make another one.

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Check this out, y’all. I wrote a book! http://amzn.to/2cCHgUu

It’s the Readers Who Make the Magic

If you have somehow managed to escape all my shameless self-promotion in recent months, here’s what you need to know: I wrote a book! A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude is available on Amazon.com in paperback form, and soon it will also be available as an e-book for Kindle, and Amy Sassenberg’s photos will be in color in that version! This is all very exciting for me. If you had asked me a year ago if this was to be in my future, I’d have laughed.

I have learned a lot from this experience. The biggest lesson is that it’s the readers who create the magic. I used to think authors were conjuring up amazing reading experiences, and because of that, I was in awe. But I was so incredibly wrong.

Yes, the writers do the writing, and the publishers do the publishing, but their work is lifeless and inanimate if there is no one out there to read it. A book without a reader may as well be a brick that one uses to prop open a door. An unread book gathers dust.

I am lucky in that I came to this avocation at a time in our history when reader’s feedback is easy and instantaneous. People e-mail me. They contact me on this blog. They comment in my Facebook group. They also leave much needed (and strongly encouraged) reviews on my Amazon page.

What this means is that I get to share in the magic that you, dear reader, make. I get to experience your reactions. I learn how you feel when you read the book. I discover that each reader has a different encounter with it, quite often one that I hadn’t anticipated. That’s because you are bringing your unique insights to the reading experience. That’s the ingredient that only you can provide.

I can never seem to adequately express just what that means to me. I read your reviews and your comments and I get all choked up. I get tears in my eyes. My heart feels like it swells. What a gift you have given me! Thank you so much!

This first book was about gratitude, but I had no idea just how grateful I would be for you. Thank you for giving my book life. Thank you for making my words have meaning.

Without further ado, I’ll leave you with some excerpts from my Amazon reviews, so you can see why this whole process has made me so emotional. Imagine getting compliments like these! I hope you’ll consider adding your review to their number!

“Barb is ALWAYS entertaining, and whether you agree with her or not, you will likely learn something every time you read her. She will inform, annoy, and inspire you. As a dedicated reader of her blog from the beginning, I have seen many sides of her, and watched her through grief and growth. This is her best, will make you a fan, lift your spirits, cause you to recognize things in yourself you could not articulate. She is real, she is smart, she is funny. You WILL laugh out loud at some point. You will learn SEVERAL interesting things that you did not know. And you will PONDER more than one entry for longer than you expected.” –Amazon Customer

“What a wonderful book. I keep it by my bedside so I can read a chapter before I go to bed. Since the focus of this volume is on gratitude, it’s the perfect way to get your head in the right space to go to sleep focusing on the good there is in this world. Barb is a gifted writer with keen insight into the world around her. This is a book you will keep for years. Timeless thoughts about things that matter – sometimes in big ways, sometimes subtly. It’s crazy. She makes me want to be a better person just by what she shares in her posts. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll marvel at her candor. And you’ll be really glad you bought this book.” – K. Reviews

“A wonderful read. I feel like I’m looking over Barb’s shoulder as her journey through life unfolds. Her take on situations we all encounter, often unconsciously, every day, took me from laughing to reflecting on how I might deal with the same situation. How hard it must have been to pull up roots and move 3100 miles to a place where you know no one? I’m not sure I could. I grew up on the wit and humor of Erma Bombeck and some of the posts in the book remind me of reading Erma’s wonderful writings.” –Firewalker

“This is just an introduction to the refreshingly honest world of a brave woman. As she takes you along on her journey of introspection, observation and acceptance, she challenges and inspires you to open your heart and mind. Whether you agree and identify with her insights and beliefs, or not, you can’t help but be uplifted by her commitment to them. She’s an open book worth reading and based on her prolific blog entries she has a lot more to gift us. Looking forward to see where else her journey will take us.” – Lyn

My Very First Royalty Check

When I wrote my book and created the website for it, I had to rent a post office box. I didn’t want to put my home address out there for the whole world to see. Granted, the odds of my acquiring a stalker based on a book about gratitude are probably pretty slim. (It’s hardly a controversial subject. Delightful, yes. Divisive, no.) But hey, you never know what is going to stir someone up.

But now I have this post office box, and the subsequent guilt that comes along with it. I chronically forget to check it. (I don’t like to neglect things, even if they are inanimate.) When I do get around to paying it a visit and peeking inside, it’s generally full of junk mail. I almost find this to be a relief. I’m not being rude to anyone except advertisers, and they don’t count, right?

But the other day, nestled among the discounts for the roof repairs on a home that I don’t own and the pleas that I bundle my television services when I haven’t had a TV in years, was an important looking envelope. It had probably been sitting there for weeks. It turned out to be my very first royalty check for my book. I have no idea why, but I wasn’t expecting it.

My first paid writing gig. I’ve been published many times before, in newspapers and magazines, and I have even been included in an anthology, but there was never any compensation involved. And now here was this check.

It felt like vindication; like the thing I love to do finally has value. But that’s kind of silly, because I’ve gotten so much value from the feedback of readers, and from the pride I feel when I publish a particularly well written post. The ability to express myself is also priceless. But these things are intangible. Here was this check. In my hand. Right here.

I took it home. I sat with it for a long time. I crowed a tiny bit on Facebook. Then I set about giving a fair share to those who had collaborated with me, and donated a dollar for every book sold to StoryCorps, since they’re the ones who sent me on this amazing journey in the first place. And what a wonderful journey it has been!

What was left of the check won’t even cover the rental of that aforementioned guilt-laden post office box. But just holding that check in my hand… that was an amazing feeling.

A book about gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving! http://amzn.to/2cCHgUu

Parallel Universes

When I was younger and much more earnest, I read the book One, by Richard Bach. I’m sure I wouldn’t be quite as influenced by it now, but it was impactful then. It made my fertile imagination run wild.

The book is about quantum physics and parallel universes. It talks about how each choice you make causes your existence to split off like the branches of a tree. If you decide to get a divorce, in another universe you remain happily married. In yet another, you remain married, but are miserable. Believe it or not, I take a lot of comfort from this.

For example: Applying for a job? Nervous? Not to worry. There will always be at least one universe in which you get that job. Fingers crossed that you happen to be in the right universe this time around.

I must admit I apply this principle to romance more than anything else. My love life may be nonexistent, but if I lock eyes with someone, I can tell myself that in at least one universe, that guy will have seen me for the amazing person that I am, and he, too, will be amazing, and we’ll live happily ever after. So I’m sort of having many, MANY successful relationships right now. Just… not in this universe.

So, three cheers for quantum physics! Or no cheers at all. In this context, it hardly matters, does it? Somewhere, I’m cheering.

richard-bach

A book about gratitude is a gift that keeps on giving! http://amzn.to/2cCHgUu

Helping People with Dementia Purely by Accident

When I wrote my book, A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude, I had hoped that it would be uplifting, and that it would help people to look at situations from a different angle and appreciate various aspects of their lives. I want to be a positive force in the world. I want to have left this world ever-so-slightly better than I found it.

So imagine my delight when I discovered that my dear friend Amy Sassenberg, whose amazing photographs are included in the book, had been able to use it as a way to stimulate conversations and memories with people who are struggling with dementia. This actually brought tears to my eyes, because I can think of nothing more terrifying than losing one’s memories. So the thought that my book might be making a difference in that way, even if it’s just for a moment, means so much to me.

It’s a rare occasion when I allow someone to be a “guest writer” on my blog, but what follows is Amy’s description of how my book, our book, has made an impact. If you know anyone who is a caregiver or has a family member who suffers from memory loss, please share this blog entry with them. It would be amazing if my book could make such an impact in ways I hadn’t anticipated. If you are able to use it in this way as well, please let me know. I’d be honored to hear about it.

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Recently I got the awesome opportunity to participate in the creation of Barb Abelhauser’s wonderful book, A Bridgetender’s View by adding some of my photographs to her excellent collection of contemplations on gratitude. It has been a pleasure and an honor to be associated with such a fine person and such a fine work.

Of course I ordered a couple copies right away, and carried one around in my car in case I ran into friends I photographed who were in the book. I brought it to a senior center where I had captured a few friends having fun at a bingo game. (In addition to writing and photographing, I also spend time caregiving, volunteering and helping out with activities for seniors receiving memory care.) I read the excerpt nearest their photo and they seemed truly charmed and interested.

Shortly thereafter I decided to share it with a client who was experiencing the decline into dementia. Her image was not in the book but she did like me to read to her. We had done this less and less recently because it was increasingly difficult for her to concentrate or follow a story. But she was sufficiently interested because I was involved, so I began reading the same passage about accomplishing goals well into old age.

Her brow lifted and a smile came across her face. She then shared an anecdote about her elder sister. I read another entry, and again was met with smiles and the sharing of memories. We read several pages together as I asked her questions like, “Have you ever felt that way?” And she responded with enthusiasm and even asked me to re-read lines she especially liked.

I brought the book to an adult family home and shared a few excerpts with clients there. Again it was a great conversation catalyst. I began bringing it with me whenever I would go into a caregiving situation, as well as visiting folks in the hospital.

The entries are usually little more than a page long and so are easily followed, sometimes even by someone with memory lapses. Most have an uplifting message or lesson, which is also helpful when caring for someone with dementia because often there seems to be a tendency toward fear or frustration, which can easily lead to anger.

Barb, the author, is very clear and sensory in her descriptions of what’s happened and how it made her feel. Some of the situations and thoughts are common and relatable, while some of the vignettes describe a singular or unique experience. With either one, Barb usually guides us to some universal truth or allows us to nod in agreement, exclaiming, “Me too!”

I’m always looking for teaching tools or activities to share with my clients in memory care and to stimulate positive feelings and interaction. Sharing the book has been a fun, easy and beautiful experience, allowing me a new doorway to communication and a way for my clients and me to enjoy our times together. I can’t wait for the new edition.

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Let’s Review

Every single day, my e-mail inbox is filled with requests that I review some product that I’ve purchased. Or someone wants my feedback on the service they recently provided me. (The only company I know that doesn’t do this is AT&T, because they already know that they give piss-poor customer service, and they couldn’t care less.)

I get it. It’s annoying. And I have to admit that like you, I often ignore these requests.

But by doing so, we are all shooting ourselves in the foot. Think about it. We all know that the larger the organization, the less they really care what you think of the goods or services they provide. They can afford a certain level of customer angst, because there are always more customers for them. Especially if they have the market pretty much cornered.

We as consumers benefit more when there are a large number of small businesses competing, rather than one big indifferent one. Competition brings prices down. Competition means much better customer service, because your business actually means something to these mom and pop companies. They desperately need your feedback. The only way most small companies can build up their reputations is through customer reviews. And who provides them? Us.

So help out that little company that’s selling stuff on Amazon. Give honest feedback on eBay. Give credit where credit is due. It may seem insignificant, but it helps us all.

Having said that, I’m one of those people who desperately needs your review. If you’ve read my book, A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude, please leave a review on Amazon.com. This helps me in many ways. Enough reviews will get Amazon’s attention, and they’ll promote the book more. And you might encourage someone else to buy the book. That’ll help keep my dogs in kibble.

C’mon. Do it for my dogs. Thanks.

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I’m a Hot New Release!

Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d utter. I’ve never considered myself to be particularly hot, and I’m definitely not new. But I am, indeed, a Hot New Release, and I’ve got the screen shot to prove it. I’m thinking of having this tattooed on my behind.

Once my very first book, A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude became available on Amazon.com, a friend of mine suggested that I scroll down to the product details section and click on the ranking information, and ta-da! There my book was, number one in the hot new releases for its category. It even became number one in best sellers for its category for a hot minute, there. So I can now officially call myself an Amazon Best Seller. It’s ridiculous how proud this makes me feel.

And then, finally, I got to hold a copy of my book (My book. My book!) in my hands for the very first time. My first impression was that it felt heavy to me. Solid. Substantial. Are books usually this heavy? I’ve never noticed. Or maybe I’ve been reading my kindle for too long. Regardless. It’s 318 pages. Thicker than I anticipated. A lot of that has to do with the wonderful photography of Amy Sassenberg that was included. But still. It’s… real.

I’ve got to say that seeing my book for the first time brought tears to my eyes. Is this what it’s like to gaze upon your newborn baby? It kind of feels that way. I want to hold it close and keep it safe and at the same time show it off.

I feel like shouting, “See what I made?” Actually, I’m not going to lie. I’ve done that. A couple of times. And it feels great.

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A Beautiful Elephant

-That’s what my publisher/editor/coordinator/catalyst/friend Deborah Drake called my very first book, A Bridgetender’s View: Notes on Gratitude, when she announced that it was finally available for order on Amazon.com.

“Huh?” I said.

What she meant was, the gestational period for an elephant is about 22 months. That’s a long, hard, heavy load for a mama elephant to carry. But in the end… ah, in the end, what she gets is a beautiful baby elephant. And who doesn’t love a baby elephant?

We had been working hard on this book for a long time. We work really well together, but sometimes the process can be stressful. I learned a lot from Deborah along the way.

I will never look at books the same way again. I have mad respect for all publishers. There’s so much more involved than you might imagine. There’s determining content, writing, editing, layout, artwork and graphic design, cover design, formatting, website design, accounting, determining price point, promotion… all of it takes special skills.

I have to say that when my baby book was finally born, I was incredibly proud. It really is a beautiful elephant, indeed. Now I’m going to make a point of using that phrase at the end of all major projects. You have to love a new tradition.

Baby Elephant with Mother

Dave Isay Knows My Name!!!

Okay, I’m star struck. I’m giddy. I’m stunned.

I was just lying here cuddled up with my dogs, watching really bad Youtube movies after having spent the day completely goofing off and feeling pretty proud of myself for my level of unrepentedness (okay, so that’s technically not a word, but you get the idea) when my phone rings. It’s my friend Amelia Isabel, of Shaping Sapiens fame, who recently interviewed me for that self-same podcast.

She just happened to be in Texas. Austin, I think, right at the same time Dave Isay was doing a book signing for Callings, the anthology that yours truly is a part of, on page 17.

And here’s the thing: he talked about 6 of the people featured in the book, and one of the ones he talked about was…ME! With a really ugly picture of me weighing 50 pounds more than I do now, with my arm around my ex-boyfriend who hates me! And she videotaped it! And I watched it! And he pronounced my name correctly! And he mispronounced my bridge!And he kind of sort of calls me a poet! Me!

And then she talked to him afterward and said hello for me! And took a picture with the man himself, Dave Isay, the founder of StoryCorps, who is probably one of the few people on earth who has a cooler job than I do.

Dave and Amelia — Amelia Isabel with Dave Isay

I hope at some point he’ll come to Seattle and I’ll get a picture with him, too.

I’m freaking out here! Stuff like this just doesn’t happen to me. But… apparently it does. 🙂

Help Me Map Out My Walk Down Memory Lane

Hi everyone! I really could use your help. I’m going to be doing several anthologies of my blog entries, and I need your opinion.

My blog is a bit eclectic. In general, it’s about stuff I think about while sitting up here on my drawbridge. So I’ve been going through old posts and trying to identify various themes that I seem to revisit, and determine which ones are my favorites.

The funny thing about revisiting past writings is that it feels similar to going through old photo albums (remember those?), or school yearbooks. The memories come flooding back and then you look up to find that hours have gone by. Re-reading these posts from years ago feels like going to a high school reunion, only without dreading some of the people you’re going to run into.

What you see below are 10 blog posts from 2012 and 2013 that I think have anthology potential. What I need to know are your thoughts on the subject. Which do you like best? What themes do you enjoy most? Are there any other posts of mine that are your favorites? Is there anything else I should be asking you that I’m overlooking?

Anyone kind enough to voice their opinion will be gratefully acknowledged in one of my anthologies, unless you prefer to remain anonymous. But please know that your insights really matter to me. I write for you!

I seem to write a lot about my insights about nature. Here’s one called A Rare Gift from a Dolphin.

Here’s an example of one of the many things I’ve written about having a sense of myself. Learning about who I am. It’s called Coming full Spiral.

Another one like that is Lightning Strikes and Other Unforeseen Events.

I also love to write about obscure things that may not have crossed your mind, and/or things that most people haven’t heard about. Here’s one called Cool Stuff You Never Knew about your Teeth.

Other times I go for the humor, as in How to Give HORRIBLE Customer Service.

Sometimes I write about travel experiences, such as Reliving the Battle of Olustee.

I like to write about trying to make a difference in one way or another, such as in The Immigration Issue in Reverse.

And I also tend to wax nostalgic, like in Those Moments.

Naturally, I have a lot of drawbridge stories to tell! When in Doubt, Blame the Bridgetender.

And I have plenty of time to come up with quirky insights and wonder about things. Where Are YOU Located?

I really hope I hear from you! Thanks in advance!

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