Search Terms Revisited

Your guess is as good as mine.

WordPress has a nifty little feature that allows me to review what search terms have drawn people to my blog posts. Sadly, it doesn’t tell me which post in particular it brought the person to, or who did the search, but either way it can be very fascinating.

The most popular search term that draws people to me, by a country mile, is “I hate alcohol.” And indeed, I’ve posted several rants on the subject, so that makes a certain amount of sense. Another popular one is “bridge symbolism,” and that happens to be the title of my most popular post.

Another term that’s more popular than in should be is various versions of “6 inch heels”. I wrote a post once about how destructive high heels are to women, and I included a picture of some 6-inch black stilettos. I strongly suspect that people go to perv on the picture more than they do to read the article. Oh well.

On thirty different occasions, someone has used the search term “stupidity” to find my blog. That kind of hurts my feelings. But I guess I’ll get over it.

People searching for the truth about a scoundrel named Andy Johnson in Jacksonville, Florida often find me, because I’ve posted some inconvenient facts about his lack of integrity on more than one occasion.

“Sex breast” seems to have drawn people to my blog on eight separate occasions. “Breast sex” was the term seven additional times. I have no idea why. I’m not sure I want to know.

For the life of me, though, I’m stumped about “a cat get bitten by diamondback snake”. Why did that bring them to me, and why did they search for such a sick thing in the first place? People are strange.

And then there’s “gas gauge empty pee”. Your guess is as good as mine on that one.

Like this quirky little blog? Then you’ll love this book!


I Missed My Blogiversary!

Seven years, writing a new post every single day.

December 1, 2019 was the 7 year anniversary of this blog. Seven years, writing a new post every single day. That’s an amazing accomplishment, even if I do say so myself. When I started, I assumed it would be a 6 month project at most, because how on earth would I come up with a new topic every day? Surely no one has that much to say. And yet, here I am.

So you’d think I’d have remembered on the day. I should have taken myself out to dinner or gotten a massage or something. But no. It totally slipped my mind. WordPress had to remind me with their automated congratulations. I celebrated by eating apple pie for breakfast the next morning.

This blog has been a major part of my life. I spend at least 16 hours on it every week, and even more than that if you count the hours of stress over writer’s block and utter lack of inspiration. It’s been the source of great friendships and fascinating feedback. It has also been the source of my first book. I’ve also halfway cobbled together a second book, but I can’t seem to get motivated to finish it. (I was about to say that follow through is not my strong suit, but if that were the case, this blog wouldn’t exist. So the lack of a second book is due to basic laziness. Ouch.)

The bottom line is that I can’t imagine who I’d be anymore without this blog. I’m grateful that you’ve taken the time to read it, dear reader. I’ve marked my calendar so that I won’t miss this anniversary in future years. I hope there will be many more celebrations to come.

I can’t help but wonder, though, why it’s so easy to overlook our own accomplishments, even for those of us who wouldn’t think of overlooking the accomplishments of others. That sounds like the topic for a future blog post. Hmmm…


Selling Out?

I don’t want ads to change the way I write.

You may have noticed that I upgraded my WordPress account to a premium one. That means I have more file space, and my web address is now simply, rather than having the word WordPress stuck up in there. Yup. I’ve taken it to the next level.

It also means that I can finally monetize my blog. I’ll probably be making more changes along those lines in the coming weeks. But until then, it means that I’ve signed up for WordAds. You’re probably seeing them on the page right now. So far, in the past week, I’ve made a whopping 37 cents because of those of you who have been kind (or interested) enough to click on these ads. (I guess I won’t be quitting my bridgetending job.)

I have very mixed emotions about this new development. I’ve been blogging every single day since December of 2012. That’s no mean feat. I think I spend at least 16 hours a week on this blog, and up until now I’ve done it for the pure love of it. And I hope I’ll always feel that way. I don’t want to lose that.

But sometimes it can be stressful. When I fall behind because I’m sick or otherwise occupied, it makes me anxious. And it’s not easy coming up with a topic every single day. So I think I’ve earned that 37 cents, in many ways.

But on the other hand, I don’t want these ads to change the way I write. I don’t want to start worrying about offending the advertisers. Apparently it really is possible to be blackballed.

I also don’t want to start focusing on increasing readership to maximise my income. I still want this blog to be about my random musings. I want to write about things I am thinking about and feel like discussing. I want it to continue to be fun to write and fun to read. I don’t want all my posts to become “The 10 Best Ways to Take Cute Pictures of Kittens” just so that my post will get more viewers and get more shares on Facebook.

I know that a lot of people find ads annoying. Sorry. And no, before you even ask, I have no control over the type of ads they post. I’m putting my trust in WordPress. They’ve been good to me up to this point.

So, what do you think? Have I sold out? Will these ads drive you away?

If not, could you be kind enough to click on them every now and then? I sure could use the butter and egg money. Thanks.

spare change

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They Love Me in Ghana

One of the coolest things about WordPress, in my opinion, is that they give me statistics of the countries from which my readers originate. I find it fascinating that I’ve had readers from pretty much everywhere (except China and North Korea for obvious reasons). I sit here in this little room, typing away, and I have no idea on what shores my posts will wash up.

Recently I’ve noticed a significant spike in readers from Ghana. Seriously. This year so far, the only countries that have given me more readers than Ghana are the US, the UK, Canada, Germany and Australia. This intrigues me.

Finally, I figured it out. About three years ago, I wrote about Jacksonville, Florida’s Ghanaian Princess. Apparently someone stumbled upon that post. That makes sense.

What I can’t figure out is what happened after that. Someone must have said something about it on Ghanaian social media of some sort, because all of a sudden, about a hundred more compatriots visited my blog.

Sadly, no one commented. I have no idea if they liked what they read or not. I have no idea how the word spread. I have no idea if they found any value in my post. I’d love to know if it was read by the princess’ relatives.

I’ve said this before. Blog posts are kind of like messages in bottles. You have no idea what will become of them, unless the readers take the time to comment.

So I will simply send greetings and best wishes to my Ghanaian readers. I am honored by your presence. I would love to know more about you. Thank you for stopping by!


I would be even more honored if my book wound up in Ghana!

Kittens: Not Just for Youtube Anymore

In this world of increasing insanity, I find it strangely comforting that cults aren’t just a phenomenon of the English speaking world. Exhibit A: Turkey’s Adnan Oktar. I find this man fascinating in the same way car accidents cause me to slow down.

His main goal in life appears to be to debunk evolution. He has published dozens of fancy-looking, elaborately illustrated books, using the pen name Harun Yahya, that promote creationism. Based on my perusal of his website, these books contain a lot of rambling pseudo-science that require a great deal of suspension of disbelief to digest. They also seem to feature wildly falsified images of fossils.

In addition, he has a mansion that overlooks the Bosphorus, and it’s so gaudy it puts Donald Trump’s apartment to shame. Apparently the yard is teeming with rabbits and is surrounded by an electrified fence.

He is also as litigious as Trump. I’m fairly certain he will never read this criticism of him, because according to several articles, he apparently managed to get WordPress banned from Turkey after several bloggers wrote less than flattering posts about him. (I find this hard to believe, because I know I’ve had Turkish readers in the past, but given the number of lawsuits he’s brought to the courts, it wouldn’t surprise me if he hadn’t at least tried.)

But by far the most fascinating thing about this man is that he surrounds himself with women whom he calls kittens. These women are young, from rich families, and their hair is quite often bleached that color of blonde that can only come from a bottle. Their lips are pumped up with collagen, and they wear so much make up it looks like it’s been applied by a putty knife. They also wear skin tight clothes, stiletto heels, and emphasize their cleavage. Needless to say, this is quite a departure in the Islamic world.

For a really eye-opening look into  Adnan Oktar’s world, check out this documentary.  (It’s only subtitled for a tiny bit. Mostly it’s in English.)

This is Adnan Oktar’s idea of feminism. He says he believes all women are kittens. (Gag.) And he claims they are superior in every way. If that’s true, then why the need for all those creepy alterations? Shouldn’t they be perfect just as they are? And why are these women expected to regularly gyrate on camera? (Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention he has his own television station.)

In every video I’ve seen of these kittens, they all have a guarded look in their eyes. A vacant look, actually. There are complaints by family members that they are never allowed to see them alone. I found myself feeling sorry for them, and more than a little disturbed. I wonder what will happen to them as their beauty fades.

I’ll never get over humanity’s desperate need to give away its power, to fit in, to feel loved. It’s heartbreaking. And apparently it’s universal.

Adnan Oktar


The Ads You See Aren’t Me

Recently a friend asked me if I have any control over the types of ads that are placed on this blog. Aside from the shameless plug of my book that I place at the bottom of each entry, the answer is a resounding no. But I was curious as to why she asked.

“Because I’m looking at an ad for Donald Trump.”

“What??? Noooooooooooooo!”

I don’t dispute WordPress’ right to place ads in this forum. They have to keep the lights on somehow, and they’ve not received a single penny from me. That’s a pretty good deal, considering they’re hosting this blog, to the tune of nearly 1500 pages to date.

But over the years this blog has become my heart and soul. I like to think it’s me on a screen. Warts and all. And while I have many warts indeed, none of them look as bad as Donald Trump.

It absolutely KILLS me to think that someone might be seeing one of his ads on my page and assuming that I endorse this man in any way, shape or form.

Am I selling out? Unfortunately, free is all I can afford right now. That means I pretty much have to take what I’m given. So I have to content myself with this blog entry of protest and beg your forgiveness.

I don’t even see the ads that pop up for you. I’d be curious to know what types of ads you are seeing. Please let me know in the comment section!


Like this blog? Then you’ll LOVE this book!

Bother Me Not

Have you ever noticed that some websites seem to deliberately make it difficult for you to contact them? They either hide their “Contact Us” tab, befuddling all but the most determined, or don’t have one at all, or they make you jump through 20,000 hoops or they only provide their address and phone number, expecting you to take that extra step to get in touch, and banking on the fact that most of us won’t bother. This is HORRIBLE customer service.

It’s also an idiotic way to run a company. Often your customers will spot problems with your website long before you will, and can suggest ways to improve its functionality. Being responsive to these suggestions increases customer satisfaction and repeat business. Many’s the time I’ve simply gone elsewhere when I’ve bumped up against a site that isn’t user-friendly. If your site is full of dead links and bad grammar, the public won’t take you seriously.

I would love to be able to contact Facebook. I’ve had these two complaints/suggestions for years. But they don’t want to hear from me.

  • Issue one: Their message drop down menu. Have you ever clicked on the “other” option? Check it out. You might be surprised. I once found a year and a half old job offer sitting in there. They need to get rid of the “other” category and just let all your messages be all your messages. I’m a big girl. I can figure out what to delete.
  • Issue two: They need a place where you can write helpful descriptions about people on your friends list that will be visible only to you. Often I can’t remember why someone is there and how I even know them. It would be nice to be able to go to their page and look at a box that they can’t see where you can type, “I met this guy in 2011 through so and so, and we have xyz in common. But never discuss politics with him.”

And I wish WordPress, the site that hosts this blog, were a little easier to contact, too. I’d tell them that their latest improvements are giving me fits. If I click on the comment icon while in Firefox, nothing happens. And they’ve removed my ability to get to the comments from the drop down menu, so now if I want to look at my comments, the only way I’ve figured out how to get there is to click on statistics, then click on blog posts/add, then go to classic view, then click on comments. This, my friends, is a monumental pain in the a**.

And for pity’s sake, people, if you give your customers a mailing list option, include an opt out option that works on the bottom of every e-mail you send them. There’s nothing worse than signing up for something, regretting it, and then being perpetually pestered.

End of rant.


[This example of a really bad website, and ways to avoid having one, can be found on this blog.]

They Love me in Bulgaria

I must confess that I’m quite obsessed with the statistics page that WordPress so kindly provides us bloggers. I was thrilled a few weeks ago to get the 10,000th view of my blog! Woo hoo!

The stats page reveals not only how many people have checked out my blog, but also what countries they’re from, how they found me, and which of my links they’ve clicked on.

Recently I got an upsurge of viewers from Bulgaria, which, while extremely gratifying, was also somewhat befuddling. I mean, I would like to say Поздрави (greetings) to all my Bulgarian friends, but also ask Защо си тук? (Why are you here?)

On closer examination of my statistics page, I discovered that they were coming to me from a Bulgarian blog on With the help of Google Translate, I learned that this blogger enjoyed one of my entries, “Why I am Child Free”, so much that she went to the trouble of translating it into Bulgarian and posting it on her blog. Can you imagine how flattered I was?

And as a side note, I was really amused when I copied her entry and pasted it into Google Translate to get it back to English. The changes from what I had originally written were hysterical. I am sure that has nothing to do with her translating skills and everything to do with Google’s, but still…priceless.

It just goes to show that you never know how far your words will travel!

Юнак Паликлечко_ Защо нямам и не искам деца - 2013-09-26_22.15.39

My Response to Search Questions

One of the nice little perks you get when blogging on WordPress is that you can see what search phrases people have typed in to find your blog. Sometimes these come in the form of questions or strange statements and I long to have the ability to contact these people and respond. Never fear. Your confidentiality is preserved. But that doesn’t make my urge to reply go away, unfortunately. So here are some search phrases that have cropped up on my blog, my responses to them, and links to the blog entries they were most likely directed to.

How do I know if my boyfriend is a father figure?   Well, dear reader, if that is truly a concern, I hope that you will take the time to seriously consider your motivations, because that would not be a healthy relationship. I’m no expert, but if you are not on an equal footing with your partner then at least one of you will eventually become resentful. No one should want to be forced into a parenting role, nor should an adult want to be treated like a child. If your boyfriend truly wants to be called daddy, then all you have to do is keep having unsafe sex.      Fred Rogers Was My Father

Why do I get a scratchy throat when I go to Walmart? My question would be, does this happen to you in every Walmart, or just one? It wouldn’t be unheard of that you have an allergic reaction to a particular building. It’s called “Sick Building Syndrome.”   But if it’s happening in every Walmart, you’re probably like me and have a visceral reaction to Walmarts in general. I think it’s a sensitivity to the negative atmosphere, the crowds, and the crass consumerism. Or maybe it’s because Walmart is part of an alien conspiracy to suck out our collective soul.           What’s Walmart Up to Now?

Why do women leave their cart in the middle of the aisle when shopping? Well, my first instinct is to berate you for assuming that only women do this, and try to patiently explain that the reason you’ve probably only seen women do this is that women are usually stuck doing the bulk of the shopping. Thank you for breaking that mold. For what it’s worth, if you go to this link you’ll see that it bugs me, too.      Why I hate Shopping at Walmart.

Are people supposed to drive on drawbridges? I’m assuming that you understand that when a bridge is down and the traffic lights are green, it’s okay to drive on them. I suppose you’re asking if people can drive on them as they’re opening like they do in the movies. As a bridgetender, I can tell you that this is actually impossible. As the bridge begins to open up, a gap widens at the base. Your car would fall in that, and/or hit the rising bridge if you’re going fast enough. Even if it were physically possible though, it would be an extremely stupid thing to attempt. If you like your life you might want to reconsider. Whenever I see one of those jump-the-drawbridge scenes, my first thought is that some poor bridgetender is going to have a lot of paperwork to do.     I write about drawbridges a great deal, so there are dozens of potential entries that this person might have been directed to. Just do a search on drawbridge on my main page.

Best time to drive through Jacksonville, Florida. Three a.m. would be my response. Jacksonville traffic is horrible, and the people in this city do not know how to drive. I will warn you, though, that there must be a dead Indian buried beneath I-95 just south of Jacksonville, because we get an unusual number of accidents down there. My theory is that people from New England, where the states are tiny, think that once they’re in Florida they will be able to push on through to Disney in one shot, and when they get through Jacksonville and realize they’ve still got many hours to go, they’re so tired that they start to drive fast and stupidly. So be careful!           Jacksonville, Florida: America’s Best Kept Secret or My Jacksonville Indulgence

I see sneaky people. They are definitely out there. But if you took the time to Google this, dear reader, you obviously consider this a real problem in your life. I strongly suggest you seek counseling, especially if those people are telling you to do harm to the author of this particular blog.    Sneaky Memes

Can I machine wash a tuxedo? I have an image of a young boy, just after his prom, searching this phrase in a total panic because his date has barfed all over his suit. If it’s a rental, you are in soooooo much trouble. But for the love of God, don’t try to machine wash it. You’ll only make it worse. If you own it, I wouldn’t risk a major investment like a Tux in a washing machine. Definitely have it dry cleaned and hope for the best.          Trapped on the Washing Machine in a Powder Blue Tux

Prostitution Buenos Aires how much? Well, I must say I admire the fact that you are trying to do your due diligence and not get ripped off. Oh, did you mean how much prostitution is there in Buenos Aires? Sorry. Either way, I have no idea. But you might want to watch how you phrase your questions. I bet you got some interesting hits.     The Pope and Higgs Boson: Too Much God to Digest all at Once?

Does Pho give you forks? You should never be ashamed to ask for a fork at a restaurant that serves pho. I don’t blame you for not wanting to miss even a little bit. They might not give you one automatically, but it’s always okay to ask.                  Life is Like a Bowl of Pho

I need a good response to don’t get your knickers in a twist. Of all the search phrases, this is the one I wanted to respond to the most. And I probably could come up with an entire blog entry just for it. In fact, it might be fun. But just off the cuff, I’d say, “Don’t touch what you can’t afford, Sunshine, even if you’re only doing it in your dreams.”                        Don’t Get Your Knickers in a Twist

Andy Johnson is a joke, Jacksonville. I couldn’t agree with you more, dear reader. And apparently we are not alone, because I get searches along these lines an average of five times a day. And I’ll be writing about that very topic once every three months or so until I get the money back that he’s stolen from me.      Andy Johnson, SHAME on you!!!

I want to express my heartfelt appreciation to everyone who stumbles upon my blog and takes the time to read it. I hope some of your questions get answered, at the very least, and I hope you’ll come back, and share my entries with others. Thanks!


Pouringmyartout Banned from the Blogosphere?

Have you ever had a friend or relative who is irrepressible, irreverent, shocking, out of control, and often does things that are, at best, ill conceived, but you can’t help but love him to pieces anyway? In the wild and whacky family that is WordPress, that person, for me, is Pouringmyartout.

He makes me laugh. He encourages and supports fellow bloggers. He’s got a heart as big as California. He comes up with ideas so completely out there that you don’t even try to predict what he will do next. He’s the literary equivalent of taking a roller coaster ride in the dark, while wearing sequined pajamas that chafe but look fabulous. Whatever that means.

Well, the other day, dear Art got an idea and I thought, “Oh, here we go.” Because I really knew it was a bad idea. Bad. As in poking-a-sharp-stick-at-a-grizzly-bear bad. He wanted to make fun of those illiterate spam comments that all bloggers seem to get, whose sole purpose is to sell something that no one in their right mind would ever buy. That part was funny. But here’s where he went all stupid. (Sorry Art.) He decided to encourage people to create these mock spam messages and actually, well, spam with them. And because of this, WordPress has seen fit to block his ability to make new posts.

Frankly, I can understand WordPress’ ire. I really can. However, I would beg their indulgence in this matter. I think a little flexibility is warranted. Yes, the court jester has gotten a little out of hand, but I don’t think he deserves a death sentence. I think Art has learned his lesson, and I also think that WordPress would be a much more vacuous place without him. Put him on probation if you must, WordPress, but please bring back our dear friend and creative inspiration. Please.

Update 19 June, 2013: Art is back!!!!!  Yay! To check out his wild and wacky blog, go here.