The other day I watched a brief video of a Children’s book that was narrated by Samuel L Jackson. It’s called “Go the F**k to Sleep”. I don’t know what made me laugh harder: the actual book, which was surely written more for the entertainment of adults, or the fact that we have reached a point in history where we’re willing to laugh at ourselves enough to actually publish a book of this type.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y-vDYOpkoWE
This got me thinking of other children’s books that are simply crying out to be written. Here’s a few that I’ve come up with, but feel free to suggest your own in the comments section below.
- Things Often DON’T End Happily Ever After. Sorry.
- Glass Slippers Would Cause Fungal Infections on Your Feet
- There’s a Good Chance You Won’t Become Royalty
- Not Everyone is Beautiful and That’s Okay.
- If You See Things Turning into Pumpkins, You Might Need Help
- If You Go Around Kissing Sleeping Women, You May Appear Desperate or Do Time
- The Plural of Dwarf is Dwarves
- It’s Usually Not a Good Idea to Hang Out with Undomesticated Animals
- The Yellow Brick Road Has Pot Holes
- If Someone Gives You Magic Beans, Make Sure They’re Not from Monsanto
- Jackass: The Eighth Dwarf
- The Big Bad Wolf was Just Misunderstood
- Humpty Dumpty Died and it Wasn’t Pretty
- Goldilocks was a Burglar
- Never Throw Wild Parties with Creatures 10 Times Your Size
- If Someone is Creepy, Don’t Get in his Boat, Even if he Owns a Chocolate Factory
- Most Problems aren’t Solved in 25 Pages
- Not all Evil People are Visibly Ugly
The View from a Drawbridge 
Bleepin’ awesome. What about;
Prince Charming is gay… not that there is anything wrong with that.
At least your wicked stepmother was teaching you some real life skills.
Yes, the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes, and that is what killed him.
If a fat guy knows when you are sleeping and can get in your house any time he wants, that might not be a good thing.
Hey… this is fun…
It is fun, but it warps you. You’ll never look at children’s literature the same again.
I never did before.
In fact I joined in H. E. Ellis’s challenge to rewrite grown up versions of fairy tales. I did the three little pigs, and it is getting published.
Oooh, tell us where to get it when it comes out!
I did… in the post called ‘Ever since my daugthter admitted that I am cool on Facebook, my life seems to have turned around’. You just go to the link to see all the stuff she does. The picture in my post shows t5he book I did the Rudolf interview. The three pigs one is coming soon.
I’ll check it out.
All proceeds go to cancer reasearch…
Seriously? I can’t always tell, with you.
sigh… it’s in the post… I am just a small part of two cool books by someone much smarter than me.
Hey Art, I tried to find a way to contact you directly, but that’s another not so great thing about wordpress. Anyway, do you know how to embed a video into my blog? I wanted to put the “Go the Fuck to Sleep” video right in here, rather than just a link, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it.
I am not good at the tech stuff. I am a computer moron. You need to put it in the right form first, but I have never done it. Sorry.
Jeez, and I thought you knew everything.
Nope. I am an idiot. The few things I can do, other people helped me.
Loved it! Laughed, now ready to go TF to sleep!
Lol. Sweet effing dreams, Vicky.
Sorry, you cannot be the fairest of them all without a ton of makeup and a boob job.
You’re hilarious. You’d have loved my mother. She once said to me, “Even cheerleaders get pimples on their butts.”
Yeah, and now you’ve gone and stuck it in my head.