The View from a Drawbridge

“Why do you always forget to clean under the toilet seat?”

“Because I grew up in a house full of women. It never occurs to me to lift up the toilet seat.”

Only recently has it crossed my mind that perhaps growing up with two sisters and a single mom has left me with certain deficits. For example, I have never, ever watched a sporting event from start to finish. As a matter of fact, if you tell me the name of a team, I most likely couldn’t say with 100 percent confidence whether they play football or basketball or baseball. And I have never attempted to bar-b-cue anything in my life. I don’t like the taste of beer. Teasing someone unmercifully does not come naturally to me, and I am virtually incapable of not taking things personally. I’m thrilled to say I never learned how to fist fight, and I can’t belch on command.

On the other hand, because I couldn’t fall back on men to do certain things, I actually became more capable in some ways. I can change the oil in my car. I kill my own spiders. I’m very security conscious, and while you may be able to intimidate me, that doesn’t mean I’ll put up with your crap for very long.

Paddling around in that sea of estrogen as I did means that I am a loving, compassionate, sympathetic, intelligent listener. You’d think that I would also have turned out to be some make-up wearing, high heel tolerating flirty girl. In fact, I have never worn make up and wouldn’t know how, I am the poster child for sensible shoes, and…well, yeah, I guess I do flirt, come to think of it.

My mother, may she rest in peace, emphasized intelligence and the importance of an education over beauty and the need to find a spouse, and because of that I have an unwavering confidence in my ability to learn whatever I need to learn in order to survive.

I may not be stereotypical, but I guess I turned out all right after all.

Happy Mother’s Day!