The View from a Drawbridge

This actually happened to me many years ago. My phone rang one afternoon.

“May I speak to Margaret?”

“Sorry, you have the wrong number.” She hangs up.

The phone rings again. Same woman.

“Is Margaret there?”

“There’s nobody here by that name.”

“Well, this is the number she gave me.”

“Well, it’s the wrong number.”

She called the next day. Same general conversation. But this time she adds, “Why won’t you let me speak to her?

“There’s nobody here by that name.” This time I hung up.

For the next several weeks this woman called at all hours of the day and night, several times a day. This was before call blocking was even possible. She spoke to several of us. We all explained that there was no Margaret here. One time she called and was very intoxicated. She began to cry. She said, “I can hear her in the background. Why are you keeping her from me? I only want to tell her I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’ll never see her again.”

I kind of felt sorry for the woman, but I couldn’t produce Margaret for her, no matter how badly I wanted to. But at the same time, she was beginning to disrupt my life. She was interrupting my sleep, making me not want to answer my own phone (this was also before caller ID), and just generally stressing me out.

Sometimes she’d be hostile. “PUT MARGARET ON THE (#&$@ PHONE!!!!”

I called the phone company. They said I’d have to write a report listing the dates and times and nature of every call for a couple months before they could take action. I knew I’d lose my marbles way before then. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

The next time she called I said, “You’re right. Margaret is here. I chopped her up and buried her under the azalea bush in the front yard. Feel free to stop by and dig her up at any time.” Click.

Okay, so I handled it badly. The woman was obviously disturbed and I didn’t exactly take the high road. But it worked. She didn’t call me again for about a year. Then she called one last time.

“Is Margaret there?”

“Sorry, you have the wrong number.”

It had been such a long time I didn’t even make the connection that it was her again until after I had hung up. But thank heavens she never called again.

So Margaret, wherever you are, I have a message for you: I don’t blame you for giving this woman the wrong number. I just wish it had belonged to someone other than me.

(Image credit: fastcodesign.com)