The View from a Drawbridge

The random musings of an autistic bridgetender with entirely too much time on her hands.

On Looking Homeless

My late boyfriend had brain surgery about 25 years ago. Because of this, a big section of the back of his skull was missing, and his face was lopsided. To mask these things a little bit, he grew his hair long and wore a beard. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous. Certainly the best looking…

My late boyfriend had brain surgery about 25 years ago. Because of this, a big section of the back of his skull was missing, and his face was lopsided. To mask these things a little bit, he grew his hair long and wore a beard. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous. Certainly the best looking man I’ve ever known. But I was biased.

People who didn’t know him often mistook him for a derelict. It didn’t help that as a roofing contractor he was often wearing grubby clothes by necessity. And because his speech was slurred, he was sometimes treated as if he were mentally retarded. That was ironic, because a more intelligent man you will never meet. One time he was rudely kicked out of a convenience store because the clerk thought he was a hobo. And sometimes people would avoid him on the street. He’d try to smile at them, but his face was no longer capable of that. He had the most smiling eyes I’ve ever seen in my life, though.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some people were over the top nice to him. People would often offer him food. He’d smile with his eyes and thank them and explain that it wasn’t necessary.

He used to say that he spent a great deal of time convincing every new person he met that he was normal. Mostly he was amused by it, but sometimes it made him tired to be so misunderstood. There wasn’t much he could do about it, though. He just had to start from scratch with every single person every single day. Every. Single. Day.

Now that he’s gone, I often see people walking down the street that look quite a bit like him. Once upon a time I would have thought, “homeless” and discounted these people. Granted, some of them are, indeed, begging on street corners, and now, in my mourning, that makes me get more than a little emotional. I wish I could save every Chuck I see.

I often think how lucky I am that I didn’t discount Chuck when we first met, or I’d have missed out on some of the most amazing parts of my life. I’m not suggesting that you go out and embrace every scruffy stranger you see. But maybe pause a couple of extra seconds and give them a little bit more of a chance. Because you just never know.

Working hard

18 responses to “On Looking Homeless”

  1. JackieP Avatar
    JackieP

    It’s wise to learn looks can be deceiving.

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      While at the same time remaining self protective. It’s a fine line.

      Reply
      1. JackieP Avatar
        JackieP

        That it is.

  2. pouringmyartout Avatar
    pouringmyartout

    People are so judgy… makes you wonder what would happen if Jesus walked into their lives in a dirty robe with dirty feet and a beard and long hair…

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      There’s a guy in Florida who does that, and drags this 10 foot high cross behind him, and he goes up and down the coast of Florida, barefoot, regardless of the weather. He’s been doing it since I was a kid. I have to admit I’ve never stopped to talk to him…

      Reply
      1. pouringmyartout Avatar
        pouringmyartout

        maybe you will regret that… ha

  3. Carole Lewis Avatar
    Carole Lewis

    Thank You for this. So often our own insecurities keep us from what could be long and cherished friendships. We are getting better but still have a long way to go. The handicapped, the infirm, the mentally and emotionally challenged are no longer hidden from the public, but we must reach out even if just a smile or hello and never shy away because of what our eyes see. “There but for the grace of GOD go I”.

    Reply
  4. dennis Avatar
    dennis

    the people in chucks life here in maryland an at our yearly reunion (croom stock ) have know and loved chuck his whole life an a better, kinder, careing ,giving, loveing person u will not fine in this or in his cosmic world that he lives now. at his prayer service after his transfer to his new an better cosmic life it was amazing the people and the stories that we shared about OUR chuck. at this years croom stock ,that was in chucks honor, everyone had a story of kindness and of a helping hand to share. all were unique to that person but the same in love an kindness. he made eveyrone feel loved an wanted an will b missed but never lost to any one he touched in his life here on this short stay in this dimension .for many more pictures an comment please go to croom stock fdhs on facebook an open a new book on this fun an crazy guy .an yes he was crazy but we would not have him any other way. dennis

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      That’s definitely the Chuck I knew and loved! And he was so humble. In life, he absolutely would never own that so many people loved him. I’d try to convince him all the time. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
    2. Paul Duvall Avatar
      Paul Duvall

      Chuck was a very special person indeed. He seemed to come into our lives when we really needed someone to put things into perspective for us. He really cared and was so full of charm, wisdom, wit and intelligence- always encouraging and positive toward others. I really feel blessed to have been able to experience and to have known Chuck. I know there was a profound reason why Chuck came into our lives the last few years of his life, whether it be spiritual or for shining his light to making our days a little better. Miss you brother Chuck. I am thankful for you. God Bless You..until we meet again.

      Reply
      1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
        The View from a Drawbridge

        A truly stellar human being, now amongst the stars. He was and is very loved.

  5. Donna Avatar
    Donna

    I still miss him everyday. Hands down, he is the most beautiful person I have ever known.

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      No doubt about it. Thanks Donna!

      Reply
  6. Operation Sack Lunch – The View from a Drawbridge

    […] experience had an added layer of angst for me. As I’ve written a previous blog entry, my late boyfriend, for various and complex reasons, was often mistaken for a homeless person. And […]

    Reply
  7. My Sixth Blogiversary – The View from a Drawbridge

    […] 2014 I chose On Looking Homeless. This was the year that my partner Chuck died quite unexpectedly, and I was feeling very lost and […]

    Reply
  8. cupitonians Avatar
    cupitonians

    Thank you for helping me re-discover this gem. It’s exactly what the doctor ordered!

    Reply
    1. The View from a Drawbridge Avatar
      The View from a Drawbridge

      You would have liked Chuck. I know he would have liked you.

      Reply
      1. cupitonians Avatar
        cupitonians

        I know I would’ve. I’m glad I get to know him through you

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