The View from a Drawbridge

The random musings of a bridgetender with entirely too much time on her hands.

Man, oh man, but somebody pissed me off on Facebook the other day. She accused me of running away because I moved from Florida to Washington. I tried to remind myself that this was a late night comment from someone who was probably full of liquid stupidity, especially since the comment had absolutely nothing to do with the post it was attached to, but it still infuriated me.

First of all, this was a distant relative who probably wouldn’t even recognize me on the street and has not been the least bit supportive of me during even one minute of the 49 years I’ve been on this planet. She knows me not at all. And she has no idea about the life I’ve lived or the dreams I’ve dreamed.

Second, to be running away from something, you first have to have something, and I had nothing left in Florida. So what, pray tell, would I have been running away from? Nothing. Just because I haven’t stayed within the state in which I was born for my entire life does not mean I’m running.

I agree that geography is not going to solve your basic problems. They tend to travel with you. But why begrudge someone the chance to start over, start fresh, make a big change in the hopes that perhaps things will look slightly more like one’s aspirations? Maybe what I’m doing is running toward something. What’s wrong with that?

If I really were running away, I sure picked a stupid place to run. I don’t know a soul here, I have no support network, I left a job where I was considered one of the most reliable, competent and trustworthy people to a job where I’m struggling to prove myself, and to do all this I’ve racked up a $9,000.00 debt and my Indiegogo campaign appears to have come to a screeching halt. Sometimes I just wish there were someone here to give me a hug, to tell me everything is going to be okay, but there’s no one.

And yet I keep getting up in the morning and trying some more. There’s a good chance I won’t succeed. God knows it wouldn’t be the first time. But at least I’m trying. That takes guts. Sometimes I think it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I keep trying. If I were the type to run, I’d be running right freaking now.

So call me a runner again. I dare you.


[Image credit:]

16 thoughts on “Running Away or Running Toward?

  1. Carole Lewis says:

    To many of us, you are one of our heros for seeking out a new life and rising to the challenges that have come at you from every direction. What if you did leave a place you have lived in for many, many years? Just because we choose another direction to go does not mean we are running from anything, but as you say running to a new and better place. Just as the wind blows from different directions so must the paths we travel to enrich our lives whenever and however we can. You must ignore all the naysayers and appreciate all you have done for yourself. Here is the biggest hug I can give across the miles… with smiles. Rock On!

  2. Melvin Collins (Mel Ksham) says:

    You did the right thing, It’s early days yet & I’m sure that with a bit of networking with some like minded groups, things will start coming together.
    Seattle seems a vibrant & cosmopolitan city with forward thinking & progressive people living there. Not sure where your politics lie but I’ve become more active with the Green Party bearing in mind the risk due to climate change. It costs me nothing & I’ve met some new & interesting people with something in common & then there are the side shoots off of that.
    A big Trans-Atlantic hug from me, I wish I could help further with the finances & last year before I got my job I relied on buying & selling & raised a few pounds on the auction sites which helped me survive. Check out, yard sales, boot sales, & free to collects from the local papers & with some selective purchases, you can sometimes strike lucky on the auction sites.
    What about hooking up with a framer & selling a bit of your fractal art at coffee shops etc. Get some feedback first because selling art is a toughie & most people I know have struggled so don’t invest in a lot, small affordable batches 4-6 items & maybe some postcards for people that have no money. Just an idea
    Good luck
    Melvin 🙂

    1. Yeah, I have so many things I need to look into. So far it seems like I’m mainly creating to do lists. But I’ll get there.

  3. Running away… was Marco Polo or Columbus or Neil Armstrong running away?

    1. That’s some esteemed company you’re putting me in.

      1. Just the idea that anybody who moves on to something new is running away from something old… like, where would we be with that thinking>?

  4. JackieP says:

    That comment sounds like to me she’s a bit jealous. I got that a lot because I moved around a lot. I always got that from people who never moved away from their ‘home’ place. So I took it and grinned and thought to myself. Jealousy is a terrible burden to carry. Don’t let it get to you. You have to live your life for yourself. And I think what you did was awesome. From one person who walks a different path to another. We rock!
    So I know you don’t know me well at all, as I have only been commenting a short time, but I feel like we would be good friends if we ever met. Two like minds. So big hugs from a potential friend.
    Settling into a new place takes time. This time next year you will look back and say….why did I ever worry??

    1. I feel the same, Jackie! I’ve met a lot of great people through this blog, and I count you among them. And yes, she has led a very sheltered life. I doubt she’s ventured much beyond her front door. It’s crazy that she’s wasting time being jealous of a cousin she hardly even knows and has barely acknowledged. I hope you’re right about my feelings a year from now. It’s hard for me to see that at the moment, while I’m so bogged down in the minutiae.

      1. JackieP says:

        You’ll get there. I know it can feel a bit overwhelming and lonely. But I assure you it does get better with time. Once you make a friend or two and do things you want to do. It will look much brighter.

      2. I’m sure looking forward to that.

  5. Sarah says:

    Sending BIG hugs your way…and everything WILL be ok. They always have a way of working out. I’m happy to give you a hug in person too….Let me know when you’d like to get together. Unfortunately I have a pretty busy schedule since I have to do a lot to make ends meet, myself. But I would love to get together one of these days. (Hugs)!!!

    1. Yeah, are schedules are hard to coordinate, but we definitely need to every once in a while!

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