“Whine, whine, whine!”

I can still hear my stepfather’s voice in my head, clear as a bell. Whenever I got upset about something when I was little, that’s what he’d say. It would infuriate me. I didn’t have the words to express it at the time, but what it said to me was, “I don’t care about your thoughts or feelings. I find you annoying and I delight in annoying you back. Shut up. I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t take you seriously. You are wrong to feel the way you do.” It didn’t make things better. It made things worse. It’s very hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect you, and when that person is in a position of authority, that definitely complicates your life.

Looking back at him from an adult perspective, I can see now that he was a tiny fraction of a man, an emotional child, not the most intelligent person, extremely socially inept and for reasons I won’t get into, a twisted human being, so I shouldn’t take his judgment very seriously. But I still hear him in my head regardless, long after he did me the great favor of dying. It’s an annoying sound. I wish I could think of a way to exorcise it from my brain.

I don’t particularly complain a great deal. I actually consider myself pretty lucky most of the time. So much so, in fact, that when others whinge I inwardly shake my head because I know that comparatively speaking, most of us have it pretty darned good. I’m even more aware of this lately because I’ve sacrificed so much to get where I am. So when I hear people complain who have been in this place all along, while I’ve struggled so hard to get here, I find it difficult to comprehend and even harder to take.

But here’s the difference between me and my stepfather. I allow these people to be heard. I don’t belittle or discount them. And above all, I do my best to take them seriously.

People can be role models. They can also teach you what you don’t want to be like. Both types of lessons have value.

[Image credit: spotlightvalues.org]

Author: The View from a Drawbridge

I have been a bridgetender since 2001, and gives me plenty of time to think and observe the world. View all posts by The View from a Drawbridge