I work with someone who doesn’t hide the fact that she doesn’t like me at all. Her perception of who I am is so far from my actual motivations that it baffles me. It’s as if when she looks at me she sees someone else entirely, and that person is despicable.
It’s a shame, too, because I suspect that we have a lot more in common than she realizes, and it sure would be nice to have a friend in this town. I really do want to be a team player and have a harmonious and cooperative work environment. But the fact is, her attitude about me is not going to change. That’s just the way it is.
A few years ago I probably would have wasted a lot of energy in pursuit of her approval, and even more energy beating myself up when I didn’t succeed in my attempts. I come by that honestly. I was trained well. I grew up with someone who took a very special delight in being imperious and disapproving. It was a power play of epic proportions. I was taught that despite my best efforts I was never going to be good enough.
That person is no longer in my life, and I can’t tell you how liberating that is. It didn’t take long, once the negative reinforcement stopped, for me to realize that I am good enough, actually. In fact, I’m much better than her toxic butt ever was. What a concept.
I used to go through life thinking that I needed everyone’s seal of approval. Now I’m kind of shocked that I so willingly gave my power away like that. If you walk around thinking, “Please like me” all the time, then it is someone else’s decision as to whether you are a successful individual. Would you want that responsibility for someone else’s life? I wouldn’t. It exhausts me just thinking about it.
So, I have a coworker who doesn’t like me. I do find that disappointing, and I sincerely wish it were otherwise. But beyond that, frankly, I couldn’t give a flying f***. It’s her problem. It’s also her loss, because I think I’m rather good company.
[Image credit: treehugger.com]
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