I had been driving all day on Interstate 90, on my journey to Yellowstone National Park, when I saw a faded billboard for a Testicle Festival in Clinton, Montana. The hell? I almost went off the road. Was I hallucinating?
Nope. This was for real. What on earth? I can’t imagine there’s much to do out here. I mean, I doubt you can even get pizza delivered, which is my ultimate litmus test for civilization. But a Testicle Festival? Aren’t men already entirely too full of themselves?
Or maybe all the ranchers get together to castrate their bulls all at once. But that doesn’t seem practical. Those poor creatures would be agitated enough at a time like that without having to witness the violation of their cohorts as the humans around them throw a party. Clearly I was going to have to Google this as soon as I had access to wifi again.
It was a solid week before I found myself back on the information superhighway, and it’s a testament to my level of sick curiosity that this Google search was one of the first things I did. It seems that the Testy Fest is a 5 day event held every August in Clinton, and it draws quite the crowd. It’s the place to go to satisfy your craving for fried bulls’ testicles. (You don’t have to thank me. I’m just providing a public service by passing this information along.)
While there, you can also participate in the “Undie 500”, which is a race that you do in your skivvies. In addition, you can take part in the cow chip throwing contest or play some bullshit bingo. Fun for the whole family!
I’m not sure this festival is going to make it onto my bucket list, but it would be fun to have a t-shirt that said, “I had a ball at the Testicle Festival”.
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