Once upon a time in Jacksonville, Florida, the hippest venue in the entire city was a place called the Milk Bar on Adams Street. It’s no longer there. That’s a shame. It’s sort of my white whale.
Just so we’re clear: I’m not hip. I never was. And the ship has long since sailed that would have allowed me to ever be.
The Milk Bar featured bands like Mustard Plug and Modest Mouse and Fishbone and Sister Machine Gun and Matchbox Twenty and They Might Be Giants and Korn and Less Than Jake and Ice-T and Public Enemy and Limp Bizkit. It was the place to be, man.
Back then, downtown Jacksonville was pretty scary after dark. It was dirty and dingy and full of questionable bystanders. The Milk Bar shared a block with Legal Aid and the Salvation Army Surplus Store. So even getting to the place was kind of an achievement. It was in a dark basement, which was full of creepy mannequins. Or so I’m told.
I never went to the Milk Bar. I wanted to. Badly. I was even invited there once, by a coworker. Kind of a, “I’ll be there, if you want to come hang out with us,” kind of thing. She was about 10 years younger than me, and she was as hip as they come. She liked to wear form-fitting jeans, men’s undershirts, wide leather belts and work boots, and she was sexy as hell. She didn’t even have to try. I wanted to be her. (I haven’t seen her in decades. I recently sent her a Facebook friends request. She didn’t respond.)
So, on the night she invited me, I drove over and… sat in my car, second-guessing myself while staring at the entrance to the bar. What if I went in and she wasn’t there? (This was before the age of cell phones.) Even if she was there, she’d be the only person I knew in the entire place. I was sure she’d be surrounded by friends. I was sure I’d be the oldest person there. I’d be the creepiest of wallflowers. It was probably just a pity invite in the first place.
I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I sat in my car and had a good cry for the person I would have liked to have been. Then I went home and never tried to go to the Milk Bar again. I sometimes wonder if that night would have been some sort of turning point for me. Probably not. But I’ll never know, now.
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The View from a Drawbridge 
Man, that’s such a shame. I saw Korn there in 1995, and it’s one of the most fond memories of my youth!
I was 19, working at Applebee’s as a waitress, and one of my co-workers gave me a ride home, after shift.
He asked what kind of music I liked, which has always been heavier, like Metallica, Metal Church, Rob Zombie, etc. He said, “Then I’ve got something for you!” He proceeded to put a cassette (yes, a cassette, ha!) in his car’s cassette deck, and out came the heaviest, most awesome music I had ever heard!
“Who is THIS?!?”, I asked him excitedly, after the first song.
He replied, “A new band called Korn.”
“KORN? Like corn-on-the-cob?!?”, I asked, because I thought I had heard him wrong.
“Yes, like corn, but spelled with a K.”, he explained.
I sat in his car, in front of my apartment, and listened to the whole thing. It was amazing! I made him promise he would make me a copy, which he did. I wore that cassette out!
A while later, he came up to me at work and told me Korn was playing at The Milk Bar, and asked if I would like to go. I was like, “Hell yeah! You don’t have to ask twice! I’ll be there!”
I had never been before, and was sketched out as hell, driving and walking around downtown, especially at night!
There were people there all funked out, hanging out in groups in front of the venue, and I felt so out of place, and weird, in my tank top, flannel, and jeans, but nothing would stop me from seeing Korn!
“Just roll with it…”, I told myself.
It was dark, dingy, and dirty-looking with the lights on, but when the lights turned off, everybody rushed the stage, and when that first chord hit, it was ON!!!
Instant pit formation took place, and shit went DOWN, let me tell you!! It was amazing!
The sheer, raw, ENERGY…seeing how the music affected me on the inside, come to life like that on the floor, is something I will NEVER forget!!
Now Korn is one of the biggest bands out there, and I can’t be more happy for their success. I’m so stoked everyone seems to “get” their style of music, and everyone who wants to, can experience it.
But THAT night at The Milk Bar is mine…
Never again will they be able to play such a tiny, intimate venue, and it’s kinda sad, their fans now, and in the future, will never have the experience I had.
Moral of the story…just go for it!
If you don’t like it, that’s okay.
Or…you might just have the best time of your life…and not have to live with the never-ending regret of not going.
Wow, Carrie, thank you for sharing this fantastic story! If you don’t have a blog, you should seriously entertain the idea!
I’ve only just learned I’m on the autism spectrum, so I’m learning that my feeling weird was come by honestly. Such a relief. Fewer regrets. But I have gone for it at other times. I love to travel and zip line. But the crowd thing is not my skill set, and I finally know that’s okay.
I’m amazed that you stumbled upon this old post, but I’m glad you did!
Thank you so much for your reply! I thought, maybe, I was writing into the universe; never expecting someone to read my comment, much less reply to it! Lol.
And thank you for the wonderful compliment! I have thought to write a blog, but I do not know where I should go to begin one.
Any suggestions? I know people use Reddit, and maybe Discord, but I have never been to either one, and I don’t know how the platforms work. Once again, any suggestions would be highly appreciated, if you have knowledge of such things.
I, too, have recently discovered I have ADHD, which sure does explain A LOT about my life choices, and my life experiences!
I can 1000% relate, and understand, your position in this matter! Lol!
When I found out, and took my first med, I was immediately hit with this feeling of, “If only I was diagnosed properly WAY back in the day, OH MY!…the things I could’ve accomplished, or done differently…!?!”
It was immediately life-changing for me. At 47, with raising two sons, I struggled mightily with flightiness, forgetting things…but focusing too much on other things, feeling like I was always working, but never accomplishing anything, struggling with insomnia…since I can remember, severe procrastination, etc…
I went to the doctor, of course, and he immediately said I was depressed, without even giving me the courtesy to listen to my symptoms. I tried to explain to him, I did not feel depressed, but he just blew me off, and put me on anti-depressants.
We are taught to trust the opinions of, and respect our doctors…to the detriment of ourselves, I am now convinced.
Well, I took the medication he gave me for about six months, but it did not help me AT ALL, it just made me feel dizzy and weird, so I stopped taking it. And instead of trying to convince a provider who didn’t care, I just suffered the symptoms for years, still not understanding why I was the way I was.
My younger son was diagnosed at six years old with ADHD, but we actually knew, when he was around two, there was something going on with him. But since he was still so young, they said they could not diagnose him yet, but would monitor his behavior from that point forward. Every pre-school, and teacher, to the second grade, would fill out a quarterly report, that I would then turn into my son’s pediatrician. Then once my son turned six, they used all the compiled information to use, to assist in his diagnosis.
It wasn’t until years later I realized, all the symptoms I saw in my son, I saw in myself, and made me wonder, “Do I have ADHD?!?”
Literally a year ago, I changed doctors with my insurance, and my new doctor tested, diagnosed, AND gave me my first prescription, all during my first visit with her!!
She saw the symptoms in me immediately, just in how I presented myself during the visit! She’s amazing, and should be given a medal, I swear!!
I still struggle with the symptoms, but they are muted, like, not as…spastic, is a good word, to describe my inside struggles. Lol.
My first night being on the med, I slept through the night, for the first time since…well, never! It was wonderful!
And I can wash the dishes…without stopping in the middle, ten times, to go do something else I forgot about doing yesterday. Stuff like that.
I hope your proper diagnosis has helped you, as much as mine has helped me, if not more! And I’m so happy it has helped you achieve the things you desire so badly to do! That is so wonderful to hear!
Please don’t ever stop learning about yourself, learning to trust yourself, and not allow it to stop you from doing the things you love.
Learn to trust your instincts too, though, to keep yourself out of sticky situations…
God gave us gut instincts for a reason! Lol.
God bless you, and good luck with all your future plans, endeavors, and adventures!
Thank you for taking the time to read this, as well! 🌷🙏🌷☺️🌷
Hi Again Carrie!
I try to respond to all comments because I genuinely appreciate it when someone takes the time to do so. (And my blog is not so popular that I can’t keep up with the responses, which helps.)
I highly recommend WordPress for your blog. You can do so for free, and if after a year or so, you decide you like it and want to pay for upgrades, you can. And they have really user friendly themes that you can choose from to set up how your blog will look. It’s quite fun. And then, I promote my blog posts in a facebook group that I created, which I strongly encourage you to join. https://www.facebook.com/groups/theviewfromadrawbridge
Facebook is really the only social media I use, but I could see where it would be good to promote it on Twitter (if it still exists) and on other formats as well. And when I write about a subject that also has a Facebook group, I’ll also send them a link and say, “I wrote about you. I hope you like it!”
I am so glad you are finally getting to figure yourself out, just like I am. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think the medical profession often discount women and their “hysterical” symptoms, as if we don’t know our own bodies. That’s why I only go to Female doctors when possible these days. Some of them discount you, too, but the odds are much lower, in my experience. I’m looking forward to learning even more coping skills related to this new found information, and I hope you do as well. Good luck!