UN-Fishing

I’m an introvert. I like peace and quiet. Alone is my natural state. I also love nature. The wind in the trees, the smell of dirt, the bugs, the very flora and fauna of it all. It grounds me.

You’d think I’d love fishing. I probably would, but for the fact that my stepfather loved fishing. He used to drag us fishing all the time when I was a child. Most likely I’d have enjoyed it if he hadn’t been a sick, twisted, sexual abuser, which meant that there was always this air of palpable tension and impending doom wherever we went. So now, in my head, the whole fishing concept is all tangled up with that disgusting pig.

I kind of resent that. He stole an activity from me that I would have taken to like a fish to water. (See what I did there? Sorry. Had to.) He put his slimy fingerprints all over it, and now it is forever tainted for me. I really shouldn’t give him this power.

I thought about trying to take that power back, but then I realized that I always felt bad baiting the hooks and hurting the fish. And forget about killing and cleaning them. No. Not my thing at all.

So maybe I just need to be an UN-fisherman. I could take all those elements I liked about fishing and apply them, and discard the rest. There’s nothing that says I can’t go out into the wilderness and sit on the banks of a river and just… quietly be.

Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

unfishing

Hey! Look what I wrote! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

 

5 thoughts on “UN-Fishing

  1. Carole Lewis

    Oh Barb.

    For my 65th B’Day my Hubby built me a fish pond. Only 20 x20 and 5′ deep, but in this small “peace of paradise” I have discovered a great deal about life and myself. Yes, it is full of fish, mostly catfish and one giant 39′ Carp. I do fish, but cut the barbs off the hooks, and I make all my own bait, so I know they are eating a healthy diet. We throw them back. Maybe twice a year we catch a few to eat, and they are delicious.
    True, I had no trauma to associate with and deter from the enjoyment. I did and do have many sorrows that I cast mentally into this pond. So that it not only gives me great joy, it drowns the many times I feel I can’t take anymore.
    The best of times are when the Grandchildren, Great Grandchildren and many Nieces and Nephews have come to fish. Many have caught their first fish here.
    If you ever travel back to FL or come to your beloved mountains here. Come and spend a couple of hours at “Tranquility Base”. Fish or not… I guarantee you will gather great gifts.

  2. Too bad that your stepfather was such a douche bag, because i’m sure you would’ve had a “whale” of a time fishing. (see what I did there, lol!) I used to live in a big city and made the choice 3 yrs ago to move up to a small town in Northern Ontario, and boy do I enjoy the wilderness. Best decision I’ve made in years. It’s actually taken me away from blogging but now I’m back and I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

  3. lyn sutton

    You often mention being an introvert, and prefer to be alone, so this article reminded me of you… https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/17/science/marmots-antisocial-lifespan.html (I relate to the yellow bellied marmot.) Not sure I agree with the human aspect of the article. It ignores exceptions such as being drained by social interactions if you are a highly sensitive sponge. When this happens, watching fish, swimming free, has a healing effect. Jellyfish also… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1I3SCpOFtM it’s a live feed

    You’re not alone, you’re in the company of fishes. 🙂

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