When I wrote this post I was in a very dark place. I debated even publishing it at all. But sometimes I get the impression that I voice things that others cannot or will not, and hearing it brings them comfort. So here it is. But please rest assured that I’m feeling much better about things now.
I’m a fiercely loyal person. Disparage someone I care about and I will verbally eviscerate you. Treat others unfairly and you will unleash the kraken.
I don’t know why I bother.
I can count the number of times someone else has flown to my defense on one hand. Granted, it’s a rare occasion when I need such assistance. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But sometimes it would be nice to be thrown an emotional life ring, you know?
As a matter of fact, what I usually get thrown is under the bus. Heck, I practically live under that bus. It’s a source of profound disappointment to me. And road rash.
You’d think I’d have learned by now. There are very few people in this world who are going to stick their necks out for you. Most pull their selfish little heads into their feeble little shells to avoid what they assume will be total annihilation. It’s sad, really.
I don’t want to become one of those people. But if no one else is going to protect me, I need to protect myself. Circle the wagons. Keep my mouth shut. Let the chips fall where they may, and hope that they rain down on someone else’s head for a change.
And my steadfast resolve to be more self-protective will last, oh, a day or two. Because I can’t let go of the belief that if I ever want to see justice in this world, I have to play fair, in the hopes that one day someone might reciprocate, and I’ll finally feel vindicated.
Next time you see me, do me a favor and, as they say in the South, slap me upside the head.
I’ve had the same problem. People who supposedly are nice, or even close relatives, consistently failed to stick up for me, even when I was insulted or even violently assaulted right in front of their faces and could not defend myself. The sole survivor of this group claims not to remember any of said incidents.
You have helped confirm my suspicions that this is a pervasive problem in this culture. Yet another reason not to breed…but I wonder what could be done to add loyalty, both passive and active, to the standard curriculum.
Along with integrity, ethics, and fiscal responsibility.
Stand by your integrity, even if other people do not do right.
I do. It’s not always easy, though.
Will do.