The View from a Drawbridge

It always makes me gasp when someone goes on social media asking for relationship advice, and strangers respond, “You need to divorce him!”

These people come to that drastic conclusion based on two paragraphs of information at most. That information, in all probability, was written when the person was really upset and seeking validation. These total strangers haven’t even heard the spouse’s side of the story.

It’s as if these critics have had a three second peek at a relationship through a keyhole, and the couple in question is standing on the opposite side of a very large, dimly lit room. And yet plenty of people are willing to condemn the pairing on this flimsy evidence. 

You have no idea how easily influenced the person behind this plea for advice is. You have no idea what ripple effects a catastrophic life change like that might cause for that person and his or her loved ones. You can never truly know what motivates anyone to say or do the things they say or do.

The older I get, the more I realize that the only time I should make a snap judgment and encourage someone to move on is if someone says “He beats me,” or “He abuses children.” Everything else, including infidelity, is a complex stew that no stranger is capable of accurately analyzing based on the tiny taste test that they get online. There are too many ingredients involved.  

I’m sure most people mean well when they’re giving their advice (unless they are trolls who are setting out to mess with people), but it’s extremely irresponsible to advise a scorched earth policy based on less than 40 words. It’s also breathtakingly arrogant. It’s not okay.

My advice about giving advice is to listen to Will Rogers, who said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

Believe me, the irony of that is not lost on me.

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