The View from a Drawbridge

Tag: funny

  • If People Came With Warning Labels

    On the drive in to work tonight, I was thinking that if people came with warning labels, life would be so much easier. But then, maybe not, because mine would be 10 miles long. It would probably include the following: Does not suffer fools gladly. Tends to be grumpy if woken up abruptly. Prone to…

  • True Style

    The best thing about growing up in the 70s is that once you’ve worn hip hugging light green polyester bell bottoms with little lavender flowers, nothing else in life can possibly make you feel self-conscious. I also had platform shoes, hot pants, halters, Danskin Leotards, HUGE glasses, lots of plaid and full-on disco gear. Heaven…

  • I’m Going Slightly Mad

    I’ve got another cold. I’m feverish, and I suspect I’m hallucinating, so I apologize in advance for whatever I write today. Combine that with the fact that I’ve been looking at a summary of the search terms that people have used to find my blog, and having quite a giggle over that. Why did the…

  • Come the Apocalypse, I Want to be with my Dog.

    I have a new theory. The best possible thing that can happen when you are searching for a mate is a horrible first date, because then you can see how that person reacts under pressure. Stress separates the men from the boys. It cuts through all the surface bs and shows you what someone is…

  • Poor Chifferobe, Bless Her Heart

    So my boss calls me and says he needs me to work on the drawbridge from midnight to 8 a.m., which believe it or not is great news, because I sure could use the money. But since I’m the resident floater who can be called in at a moment’s notice to work any day, any…

  • Trapped on the Washing Machine in a Powder Blue Tux

    “You know, midgets are because humans used to breed with trolls.” These words of wisdom were issuing forth from my coworker, “C”. I wish I could say that I was shocked, but after years of working with this guy, nothing could surprise me anymore. There was no point in trying to explain that trolls are…

  • Why are Characters Drawn to Drawbridges?

    The other day I was walking up the bridge to work and I saw the Barking Man. I immediately slowed my pace to assess the situation. The Barking Man is a guy who likes to fish off the bridge on mild evenings. When he’s on his medication he’s quite friendly, and we’ll exchange pleasantries. When…

  • Reality Based Children’s Books

    The other day I watched a brief video of a Children’s book that was narrated by Samuel L Jackson. It’s called “Go the F**k to Sleep”. I don’t know what made me laugh harder: the actual book, which was surely written more for the entertainment of adults, or the fact that we have reached a…

  • When She’s Just Not into You

    I have this coworker who doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve tried to figure it out for years. I suppose I could come right out and ask, but what would be the point? It would just open me up to insults, and her mind is already made up. She is the type of…

  • Dog Wisdom

    I had just settled down to write this blog entry, and was feeling rather stressed out because I couldn’t think of a topic, when my dog brought me his toy. It is Blue’s philosophy that no one should ever be too busy for a rousing game of tug-o-sock. How right he is. Once we have…