The View from a Drawbridge

Tag: funny

  • The Evil Eye

    Location: Some Nameless Godforsaken Village in Northwest Spain Year: 1986 So I’m with a friend, sitting in a café that overlooks a green slimy swamp. To say we were in the middle of nowhere would be generous. You couldn’t even see nowhere from where we were sitting. I had no freakin’ clue how this restaurant…

  • No More Fried Chicken for Breakfast and Other Self-Imposed Rules

    Since I work graveyard shift, I tend to eat very strange things for breakfast. I get off work at 8 am craving hamburgers, and after eating them, I go to bed for the day. Recently I found this fantastic 24 hour fried chicken place on my route home from work. The only problem is that…

  • Condom Socks and Other Privately Public Things

    As I write this, I am wearing the most comfortable socks I’ve ever owned. And to add to their allure, they have the word “condom” woven across the sole. It’s like walking around with my own little secret that no one would guess unless I chose to reveal it. These socks were given to me…

  • I Love Kokopelli

    Ah, Kokopelli, the trickster, the fertility God of the tribes of the American Southwest. I just love this guy! Not only is he a symbol of abundant crops and the production of game animals, but he is the purveyor of trinkets, and he chases away winter and ushers in spring. He is known to bring…

  • Albino Skunks and Other Distractions

    The other night I was driving home from work at midnight on a very remote stretch of road. I came around the curve and saw a car stopped in the oncoming lane. My first thought was, “Oh great, now what? How altruistic am I willing to be, a woman alone at midnight in the middle…

  • Zzzzzzzzz….

    There’s nothing more luxurious, in my opinion, than a long nap on a rainy Saturday afternoon. I revel in turning off the phone, unhooking my bra, kicking off my shoes, putting on something made of flannel, and allowing the mattress to embrace me like a long lost lover. Pure bliss. Rain is hypnotic. Ocean waves…

  • It’s Sunday. I get it.

    Hardly anyone reads this blog on Sunday. I don’t take it personally. People have lives, after all. Either they’re busy recovering from Saturday night, or they are engaged in spiritual pursuits, or this is the day to go over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house. So I hereby give you permission to…

  • Why I Hate Shopping at Walmart

    I do my level best to avoid Walmart at all times, but it’s insidious. It’s like a cancer upon the landscape. Sometimes you just can’t find what you’re looking for anywhere else. When that happens, I take a deep breath, try to center myself, and head to that debauched temple of crass consumerism to do…

  • Bo Peepsville

    There is a neighborhood here in Jacksonville where all the streets are named after nursery rhymes and children’s stories. I kid you not. Look it up. We have Mother Hubbard Drive, Bambi Lane, London Bridge Lane, Boy Blue Road, Biddy Lane, Tom Thumb Drive, Peter Pan Place, Snow White Drive, Cinderella Road, Tinkerbell Lane, Goldilocks…

  • Affectations

    I once knew a guy who spoke with a French accent. The thing is, he was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio. None of his siblings had French accents, nor did his parents. I also know an American writer who absolutely insists on using British spelling at every opportunity. Colour. Theatre. He also uses antiquated…