Tag: mask

This Barbie Comes with Accessories

My insane bedtime ritual.

I’m very particular. And at the age of 57, I’m only just now discovering why. (But that is a blog post for another day, once I have confirmation.)

But, yeah, particular is what I am. I don’t have OCD. I look around at the clutter in my life and I know that if I had OCD, it would be intolerable. But I do have a few quirks.

I don’t like garbage lying about. I’m the first person to cut off a mattress tag. And feeling comfortable is of primary importance to me. If I can’t get comfortable, I’m… well… uncomfortable. This is particularly true at bedtime.

I have this whole insane ritual have to go through if I’m to even entertain the possibility of sleeping. It goes like this.

  • Let the dogs out to pee.
  • Make sure they’re back inside.
  • Lock up and turn out the lights in the rest of the house.
  • Then it’s my turn to pee.
  • Prep CPAP machine for use. (This includes cleaning, and adding distilled water to the reservoir, etc. Things were much simpler prior to using a CPAP. I could just crawl into bed, sleep on my stomach and… stop breathing several times an hour.)
  • Take nighttime meds.
  • Floss.
  • Brush teeth with sonic toothbrush. (Old school tooth brushes leave my teeth feeling gross now that I know how much better a sonic toothbrush is.)
  • Put in my night guard, or risk grinding my teeth to powder as I sleep.
  • Ask Dear Husband to put lotion on my back. (My back itches like crazy at night. I once asked a bunch of women my age or older on a Facebook group about this, and it turns out that old ladies with itching backs at night is a thing. The medical profession doesn’t take us seriously enough. It’s maddening.)
  • Ask Dear Husband to set the alarm. (I can set the alarm myself, but then I wake up several times a night worrying that I haven’t done it properly.)
  • Kiss Dear Husband good night.
  • Arrange my MedCline pillow with it’s accompanying body pillow for maximum comfort. (Since I use a CPAP I can no longer sleep on my stomach, so I sleep on my side. But without a MedCline pillow, which raises my torso up and allows me to stick my arm and shoulder through a hole, I would wake up with my shoulders hunched so far forward that I’d be in pain the rest of the day. I also created a pillow case for the body pillow by sewing together three pillow cases. That keeps it cleaner.)  
  • Wad up a sheet for under my head. (A pillow on top of a MedCline pillow is waaay too much. I’ve decided a wadded sheet works better.)
  • Arrange blankets just so (so I can kick them off and pull them on as my hot flashes come and go all night, and also so that my dachshund, Quagmire, feels welcome to come snuggle.)
  • Get in bed. (Bet you thought I was already there, didn’t you? Nope.)
  • Lotion my feet. (Dry feet scratch against the sheets, and that, to me, is like fingernails down a chalkboard.)
  • Say a prayer that I haven’t forgotten anything, because now I have greasy feet and will be loathe to get out of bed again.
  • Put on my chin strap. (I’m a mouth breather. I’m trying to get out of that habit. I had to try a half dozen different strap designs before I found one I liked. I’m hoping that if I eventually learn to keep my mouth shut at night, I can use a smaller CPAP mask that is just over the nose.)
  • Pull hair out from under chin strap. (By the time I’m using all my implements of torture, my hair is covered in straps, so I try to pull it loose so I don’t walk around during the day with “strap head”. I can always tell when someone uses a CPAP and does not take that extra step.)
  • Call out to dogs and say goodnight.
  • Ask Quagmire to come cuddle, and tell him he makes me sad when he doesn’t (which is about half the time).
  • Put on my CPAP gasket. (That’s what I call the thing, anyway. Most people call them CPAP face liners. They’re Basically a triangular shaped donut of t-shirt like material that is placed between my face and the CPAP mask. Otherwise it rubs my nose raw and I get pimples. These things also reduce seal gaps that shoot jets of air out and wake you up.
  • Put on CPAP mask.
  • Ask Dear Husband, in muffled tones, to please turn out the lights.
  • Lie down.
  • Wrestle with sheets, blankets and CPAP hose.
  • Ask Dear Husband to turn on the lights again because I can’t find something.
  • Put arm through hole in MedCline pillow.
  • Rest wrist on airport pillow so I remember to not bend my wrists up under my chin like a squirrel clutching a nut as I sleep. (Without that pillow, my wrists hurt the next day. Sometimes I have to resort to wearing wrist braces, especially if I’ve had a high stress day, because days like those really make me want to squirrel up.)
  • Listen to the sounds of relaxed breathing emanating from Dear Husband, who can fall asleep before his head hits the pillow. Must be nice. I sometimes have to resist the urge to hit him with a pillow out of spite.
  • Convince myself that I don’t have to pee again, because I don’t want to have to take all this crap off so I can see where I’m going, and then untether myself from the CPAP hose.
  • Pull a batik sarong through the part of the mask that arches over the bridge of my nose. This is to block out any remaining light, and, in the event of a CPAP seal break, it prevents the jet of air from hitting my eyelashes and waking me up.
  • By now you’d think I’d be so exhausted that I could drift off to sleep. But no. I do a mind grind for anywhere from a half hour to all night long.
  • And then of course I have to turn over and rearrange everything accordingly at least twice during the night.

For me, it takes a village to have sweet dreams.

What’s so funny?

Are you wondering what to bring to Thanksgiving dinner? How about my book, Notes on Gratitude? Place your orders now! (Or any other time, since we’re on the subject.) And… thanks!

Bits and Bobs about the COVID Vaccine

I have never been so relieved in my entire life.

Having just received my first dose of the Moderna COVID Vaccine, I realize that I’ve got so many disjointed thoughts on the subject that are bubbling up to the surface that it’s time to set them free.

First of all, so far, so good. I didn’t even feel the shot going in. Now, a day later, the injection site feels a little bruised, as if someone had given me a noogie. No big deal. And no other side effects. I’ll take a noogie over a horrible death, gasping for air, like a carp on a sidewalk, any day. Of course, your results may vary.

I was really impressed by how well the King County Public Health System is handling this herculean task. My vaccination site was a hockey stadium down the street from my house. I was able to book the appointment online, and I was in and out in 20 minutes. That includes the 15 minutes, post shot, that they made me sit there to make sure I had no adverse effects. They operated like a well oiled machine. Registration, vaccination paperwork, shot, post shot observation. Every single person was professional, patient, kind, and willing to answer questions. There was more staff on hand than patients, and they were cranking out the vaccines at lightning speed.

There is no charge for the vaccine here in the US, and if you get it at a doctors office, and your visit was only for the vaccine, you will not be charged for the visit, either. I can’t speak for other countries, of course.

Yes, I fully intend to continue to do the right thing and wear masks and socially distance until this pandemic is just a bad memory. It’s the responsible thing to do. And it also means you’re being a role model for others. Those who are refusing to do the same are being selfish and irresponsible.

I would like to point out that it’s important to be patient. There are a lot of vulnerable people out there who are getting vaccinated first. But if you can get vaccinated, please do so, for all of us. The sooner this public health crisis is addressed, the safer we all will be.

I am mildly frustrated that I see so many people online interrogating people who have had the great good fortune to get the vaccine. Even if it’s simply that they happened to walk into a pharmacy just as it was closing, and said pharmacy didn’t want the vaccine to go to waste, why is our first instinct to say, “Why were you able to get it when I can’t yet?” rather than, “Lucky you!”

It’s nobody’s business what someone else’s risk factors are. And when anyone gets the vaccine, it should be grounds for all of us to celebrate. The more people are vaccinated, the fewer people will get the virus, so it’s reducing your risk of getting COVID, too. That’s nothing but a good thing. So instead of quizzing people as to their status, give them three cheers.

And, lest we forget, let’s give all the front line workers three cheers for making the distribution of this vaccine even possible. These folks are half killing themselves so that we don’t die. That’s pretty darned heroic, if you ask me.

There are a lot of really wild rumors flying around about the vaccine. I can’t address them all here. Here’s an article that debunks a lot of common vaccine myths, which is not directed specifically at the COVID vaccine, but it will give you some idea about the foolishness that abounds.

Oh, but I have to talk about this one. If you think that the virus contains the foreskin of aborted male babies, or any version of that, you’re completely devoid of critical thinking skills. We’re giving out more than a million vaccines a day at this point. There’s not enough foreskin to go around. Trust me. I’ve done the math. And it would be a logistical nightmare to obtain said foreskin, and that would be impossible to hide from the public. I can’t even believe that there is a need for me to write this paragraph. I’m doing it for the lunatic fringe out there who are gullible enough to believe such absurdities.

And if you had been through that fast moving, efficient vaccination factory that I went through, you’d know that these millions of medical professionals aren’t conspiring against you to poison you or fill you with microchips. They’re too busy saving lives. Nor do they have time to suss out whether you’re a member of a minority to then inject you with poison or whatever outlandish thought you may be having along those lines. There’s no time for that, nor should there ever be.

Sheesh, people, look at the science.

And if you do get your first dose of the vaccine, follow through and get your second dose. Otherwise it has been wasted on your selfish butt when someone else who is really taking this seriously could have had it. I will say that I am more nervous about the second shot. In my very unscientific query of friends and family who have gotten these vaccines, none of them have mentioned having much problem with the first shot, but about a third of them felt like crap for about a day and a half after the second. No fun. But still, I maintain, it’s better than death.

Here’s a big one, so I will shout it: THE VACCINATION DOES NOT CONTAIN COVID. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GET COVID FROM THE VACCINE. If you’re interested in how vaccines can be made to fight COVID without using actual COVID, check out this fascinating explanation of the Pfizer vaccine process. Nary a foreskin is required. Imagine that.

And I also suggest you listen to Dolly Parton on this subject. She’s persuasive and comforting as all get out. It makes you want to run out and get vaccinated right this very minute.

I will leave you with one last thought. When I got vaccinated, I actually got a little choked up. Tears in my eyes, for real. That’s because it has been one long scary year, and my life has only truly gotten good in the last six years, so I’d really, really like to stick around for as long as I can and enjoy more of it. As the needle entered my arm, I was thinking, “This shot is giving me a shot at living.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful to science, and so relieved, in my entire life. I’m kind of proud of myself for not having a big old ugly cry right then and there.

If I can do it, so can you!

Hey! Look what I wrote! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5

CPAP Dreams

My subconscious no longer speaks to me.

I have this love/hate relationship with my CPAP machine. I’ve been sleeping with a mask on every night for about 3 months now. It’s no fun at all. It’s uncomfortable, and confining, and it makes me marinate in my own drool. I feel trapped, and I strongly suspect it’s subtly changing the shape of my face. (Hey, it could happen. Anything’s possible. Google it.)

On the other hand, I’m no longer waking up 10 times a night. I sleep right on through, usually. And I’m much more rested. So it’s a burden I’m willing to take on.

Here’s the one concern I can’t seem to shake: I’m not communicating with my subconscious. We are no longer on speaking terms. I don’t remember my dreams anymore, because I’m not waking up immediately after REM sleep.

This is a good thing, health-wise. But I wonder about that communication process and the loss thereof. I mean, what are dreams for, if not to send us messages from the deepest parts of our brains?

Okay, I’ll admit that 9 times out of 10 I can’t make sense of my dreams at all. But sometimes they clue me in on the fact that I’m a lot more concerned about something than I realize. That allows me to take that thing more seriously and resolve it if I can.

But now all that seems to rattle around in my sleeping brain is the background hum of my CPAP machine. At first it was kind of a relief, because I have enough to think about without added dream drama. But now I wonder what I’m missing.

Because of that (and because, let’s face it, I hate the mask), I sometimes peel the alien intruder off my face and allow myself a few hours of slobber-free, unencumbered sleep. It’s such a luxury. It feels so good.

I have noticed, though, that this causes my dreams to be incredibly intense. No longer just abstract and surreal, it’s like my sleeping self is gripping me by the shoulders and giving me a good hard shake. “Hello! Are you listening? This stuff is important!” My dreams are no longer sweet. They’re more like shouts.

Will this impact my mental health? I mean, communication matters, right? Should I be worried? Stay tuned…

dream

Need some good bedtime stories? Check out my book! http://amzn.to/2mlPVh5